The mother of ecstasy death schoolgirl Grace Handling has released a song in the tragic teenager's memory. Lorraine Heather Handling, 49, was left devastated when Grace, 13, passed away after taking the drug in 2018. Callum Owens, 21, admitted giving Grace the ecstasy pill which killed her.
But he was cleared of causing her death on the controversial not proven verdict, causing her family more anguish. And music teacher Lorraine, a devout Christian who has sung her whole life and began playing piano at the age of seven, has now used her heartbreak as the inspiration for a song as she continues to battle her grief.
Her album The Tide's Gonna Turn features the track Alive In My Dreams, which is about Grace. Lorraine, of Irvine, Ayrshire, said: "Our family was devastated when we lost Grace. The pain was excruciating and I have not been able to find any words to express it.
"When I do try to talk about it I regret it because I come away feeling cheated that I couldn't communicate how much she meant to me. I failed to communicate the depth of what she meant to me and the depth of how horrendous it all was." A few years after Grace passed away, Lorraine was asked to sing at a friend's garden party.
Although she regularly sings in church and is part of a band which plays weddings and other functions, she was terrified at the prospect of singing her own songs in public. A health scare with her daughter Dani also spurred her on, after the 13-year-old was diagnosed with a chronic life long illness.
Lorraine said: "It was a completely different thing singing my own songs and also socialising. The court case had just taken such an enormous toll on me that I lost all my confidence and lost faith in humanity for a while and was suffering trauma and grief at that time. I was really struggling.
"My friend who actually specialises in encouraging people to emerge as artists actually got me involved in his events, and private functions, and that slowly helped me rebuild my confidence in my singer-songwriter performances through charity events, and private functions, where I felt safe and supported.
"It was the start of a slow process for me but I feel I am back on my feet. People tell me how my songs seem to connect with them and I credit my Christian faith for that and I want people to be able to access the songs. I want any good that can possibly be found to be brought out of this tragedy.
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"I have always felt I can help others through my music and now more than ever. Through the process of the recovery I wrote a few songs and had started doing them in public. When I wrote ‘The Tide’s Gonna Turn’ at the end of August last year, I felt it was a very significant turning point for me personally and for my daughter Dani.
"A couple of months after that, out of the blue I realised that I definitely wanted to record an album. It was something I had to do. I was so aware that none of us know how long we have. For those who know me, it's very long awaited." The album is available on Spotify, Apple Music and Amazon Music from October 14.
