A 'geriatric' mum "judged" for having a baby at 43 says she sympathises with Stacey Solomon - who has been criticised after announcing her latest pregnancy. Lucy Baker, now 46, had her third child three years ago - making her an advanced maternal age mum by some definitions.
And she said today she relates to Stacey, who received some nasty comments after revealing her latest pregnancy aged 33. A comment on Instagram said: "You are at an age where it’s really not safe to have kids, I’d be very surprised if it doesn’t turn out with learning disabilities."
Mum-of-three Lucy said: "I think as soon as women announce their pregnancies somebody goes out of their way to make a comment. I was scrolling through Stacey Solomon's pregnancy announcements and people were saying she was too old.
"I sympathise with her. She must read some of them and it must sting. People don't know what she's been through, she might be feeling vulnerable."
Lucy fell pregnant with her third child, Rocky, three, when she was 42. She says it wasn't a complete surprise but she and her partner, Dan, 39, a production manager, were delighted.
Lucy had her first child, Nancy, 12, when she was 34 and her second child, Ivy, 10, when she turned 37. She claims she found her final pregnancy the easiest - despite internet horror stories about the hardship of older motherhood.
Lucy says throughout her textbook pregnancy she received unwarranted comments about her age - with one mum saying: "You're going to be 47 when he starts school." Rocky will head to school in September and Lucy - who is now perimenopausal - hopes to empower other 'geriatric' mums.
Lucy, a confidence coach, said: "That has always bubbled away in my head. I thought, 'Am I going to be the oldest mum at the school gate?'"
And of her most recent pregnancy, she said: "I felt so grateful I was able to have a baby but as soon as I went online there were alarm bells coming out of the laptop. There is a myth that if you have a baby when you're older, there's going to be something wrong with it.
"For mums over the age of 35, the term 'geriatric' or 'advanced maternal age' can be used. The term makes me squirm. Men are not judged in the same way, nobody seems to comment in the same way about older men having babies."
According to Lucy, when she went to her first appointment, the midwife saw her date of birth and gasped. She said: "She wrote 'OLDER MUM' in capitals under the 'other' section. You start thinking 'what am I doing?' and it flicks your mind into worrying about risks."
Throughout her pregnancy, Lucy claims she was met with unwanted and judgemental comments. She said: "Some people said, 'Aren't you too tired for this?'. Others said, 'I thought you had given up nappies'.
"People made the assumption I would be crawling around knackered. It was a perfect pregnancy - I loved it. "So many people asked me if it was planned. I remember booking a holiday with a travel agent and she asked if it was planned.
"For the first time, I grew my courage, kicked back and said, 'I'm not going to answer that question.'
"I would never say that to somebody - you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Women could have struggled for years with their fertility and suffered miscarriages - you just don't know what someone has been through."
Sick of the unwanted comments, Lucy took to Facebook and created a group 'We are geriatric mums'.
She said: "People flocked to join it it, at one point there was 3,000 members People found friends and shared their darkest and best times. It was so positive and, as the host, I got a lot out of it myself."
Lucy also blogged her experience on www.geriatricmum.co.uk to help empower other women in her position. Now, she says she feels wiser as a mum to a third child.
She said: "I know I can do it my way. I feel more confident and wiser, I'm very relaxed and I've consciously not panicked. I definitely feel like the same person I was when I was 34, but more mentally stable and put together.
And she added: "I'm living proof that you are fine and can have babies in your forties. People need to stop judging other women for their pregnancies and parenting choices, you don't know what someone has been through- there is a finite time to have babies.
"If we want babies in our forties, that's fine. I have no control over the future but I'm so excited for it, and I hope to be around when he has his own children."
