A mum is "annoyed" by her neighbours "intrusive" behaviour while she's in her garden.
The new mum moved into her home last year and was pleased to learn her neighbours, who are a little older than her and her partner, all seemed friendly. With the arrival of warmer weather, she's been spending much more time in her garden but this has left her feeling like her neighbours "seriously lack boundaries".
The garden fences are all quite low and whenever she ventures outside to relax or play with her baby, her neighbours "call across" to her for a lengthy chat she can't seem to get out of. Once, she was stuck chatting with them for 40 minutes.
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The mum recognises they're not being callous or cruel but finds it "so intrusive" and wants to be left alone when in the supposed privacy of her garden. She took to Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) thread to seek advice and to check whether she was just being "cynical".
In a post titled "[AIBU] To think my neighbours have no boundaries!" the mum penned: "The garden fences are currently pretty low so you can see across everyone's gardens. When I am out in the garden the neighbours call across to me. And it drives me mad. They're lovely people and very friendly - but it's my private garden and I am out there with my baby. Not for a neighbourhood chat. If I wanted to chat I'd stand at the front of the house.
"It's not just one neighbour either - they all do it! I find it so intrusive! I just wouldn't dream of doing it to someone else. I even had it the other day where I didn't answer and they kept shouting "can you hear me?". We are just planning to get the fences re done so we have more privacy - but obviously this takes time and money.
"AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to think that it's annoying and seriously lacks boundaries? It's so difficult as I don't want to say something and then create some awkward tension. Anyone else had a scenario like this?"
In a follow up comment, she added: "If it was a friendly wave I would probably be more ok with it but they want to properly chat. I got stuck for 40 minutes once as I just couldn’t seem to wrap it up!!"
The mum's post was met with a string of divided responses from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to share their thoughts. One suggested: "Wave back and say hello. Possibly chat for a few minutes then carry on with what you were doing. They're just being friendly and you never know when you might need help from a good neighbour. You could also plant some taller shrubs along your fences if you want a bit of screening to increase your privacy."
Another said: "I'm afraid you just have to be more assertive then. 'I'm very sorry, I need to do…' or some such and exit the conversation. They're being normal and friendly." A third commented: "The issue isn't your neighbours, it's your inability to end a conversation. Spend some time practicing 'it's been lovely to chat but I need to get back to...'".
And another said: "I think it would be weirder for you both to be out and see each other in the garden and NOT say "hi". To me that would be more awkward for sure."
A fifth Mumsnet user said: "Friendly neighbours are a blessing and you might need to call on them for help one day so it's worthwhile keeping things friendly. That said - I'd hate if mine could see right into my garden and I didn't have privacy. I'd probably be looking to build a higher fence..."
And another said: "I'm not an assertive person and would hate the thought of having to be just to sit in my own garden. I'd wear headphones and then pretend I can't hear them. Maybe a smile and wave and point to the headphones. Hopefully they'd get the message eventually and stop bothering."
One Mumsnet user commented: "The problem is YOUR lack of social skills. You need to recognise and address your own problem, instead of blaming others for it."
And another suggested: "Have a chat with them for as long as you want and then say something like "well I better get going now, talk to you soon"...no need to give them a reason just go back to whatever you were doing or not doing." At the time of writing, 71% of Mumsnet users voted the mum was being unreasonable.
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