A mum who felt 'upset and disappointed' when she found out she was having twin boys has spoken out about the guilt she felt - and why she's since changed her mind.
Ashley Cesare 21, has always dreamed of having a little girl, so when she discovered she was expecting twins in August 2021, she hoped for "one of each". But when blue confetti fell around her and her fiancé, Heath Boyle, 27, during their gender reveal, the mum could not hide her true feelings.
"In my gut I knew it was twin boys, so I was trying to prepare myself and willing myself not to cry," recalls Ashley, from Schenectady, New York, US. "When the confetti fell, I stamped my foot in disappointment."
Thankfully, she soon got over her fear of raising boys and the mum has come to terms with the guilt she initially felt.
The proud parent has since welcomed 10-month-old twins, Carter and Jaxon, who she loves 'more than anything', and says her disappointment faded five to ten minutes after the reveal.
She said: "I used to feel guilty because I didn't want my boys to feel unwanted. But now I realise that wasn't what that moment was. It was my natural emotions.
"Now I couldn't imagine them being girls. I love my boys more than anything and me wanting a girl isn't wrong."
The mum explained she'd set her heart on having a daughter. "I'm a very girly girl. I wanted a mini me."
Ashley continued: "Heath didn't care either way. But it was really scary for me.
"I have all girls on my side of the family. I didn't think I would be good at raising boys. But after five minutes or so I snapped out of it, and I was excited. I was just happy to be a mum.
"It was a disappointment like you have when you get the fast-food restaurant gets your order wrong, but you still eat it. We should be able to have emotions."
Ashley fell in love with her boys when they were born at St. Peter's Hospital, Albany, New York, on March 25, 2022 - Jaxon weighing 4lbs 11oz and Carter 4lbs 8oz. "It felt like they were meant to be mine. They are both very attached to me," she said.
The couple hope to complete their family with a third child, and they will be delighted if they welcome a girl.
"If we have another boy, I might be disappointed," Ashley explained. "But I'll still be happy, and we'll still stop at three."
Ashley was worried about feeling "judged" for her emotions surrounding her gender disappointment - but plans to show the boys the video of her reaction when they are old enough.
She said: "They'll see that I was disappointed but know I love them more than anything.
"I'm assuming they'll laugh about it. I want them to understand feelings are normal."
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