Brendan O'Carroll has opened up about the heart-breaking grief he experienced following the death of his eldest child.
The Mrs Browns Boys creator and his first wife Doreen O'Carroll welcomed their first son Brendan Jnr in 1979, but the pair faced an unimaginably tragedy after their baby died just one week after being born. Brendan, 67, details the loss of his first born son in his new memoir as he tells readers how he rushed to his then wife's side as she gave birth.
Before Brendan could even see his son he knew things weren't going to be easy for the tot as the doctors informed him that his newborn baby had a condition called hydrocephalus and spina bifida while Doreen recovered in intensive care.
The actor writes in his memoir that upon learning of his sons condition, he phoned his mammy to ask her if she knew anything about the illness as his wife slept after the birth, reports the Mirror.
Spina bifida is when a baby's spine and spinal cord does not develop properly in the womb, causing a gap in the spine. Many babies born with spina bifida get hydrocephalus, which means that there is extra fluid in and around the brain.
Lots of babies born with hydrocephalus (congenital hydrocephalus) have permanent brain damage and if they survive, can experience several long-term complications throughout their life including speech and vision problems.
"Although I was very young, I could not wait to be a father, probably because for most of my life I didn't have one," Brendan writes when recalling the conversation with his mother.
He explains how before his son was even born he had a picture in his head of a perfect family life at home with the 'baby out back on a swing that I had made', before poignantly adding: "Suddenly I had found myself in what I thought was a nightmare."
Brendan continues to recall returning to the hospital after visiting his mother to find Doreen recovering from the traumatic birth. As his then-wife slept, nurses took him to meet his son.
"He was beautiful. Big blue eyes. God love him, he looked like me. I know it sounds stupid, but I counted his fingers and I counted his toes. Ten of each. I couldn't see anything wrong with him," the star writes - adding how his son "looked like any other baby I had ever seen, except more beautiful."
Sadly, Brendan was then told by a doctor that he and Doreen would probably never be able to take their newborn son home from the hospital - something that led to the comedian going to his car to cry.
"I wished I could do something to change all that was happening. But I couldn't. All I could do was be an onlooker and cheerleader, and, for a week, a father," Brendan poignantly recalls when writing about the death of his son.
Before divorcing in 1999, Brendan and Doreen welcomed three more children into the world together, including daughter Fiona who appears on Mrs Brown's Boys alongside her father.
Call Me Mrs Brown by Brendan O'Carroll is out now in hardback and Kindle form.
*If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at childbereavementuk.org or you can call them on 0800 02 888 40.
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