If you’re coming here looking for confirmation of the superiority of popcorn as the ultimate movie theater snack, you’ve come to the wrong place.
In fact, the idea for this ranking started out of my pure disdain for popcorn’s status as the de facto theater food. Why does that status get to go unchallenged? Especially when we all know in the back of our heads how mediocre those little kernels actually are.
Don’t let the tantalizing aroma fool you any longer. There isn’t enough butter in the world to make popcorn a better snack than some of the other options at your disposal. But I’m not here to bury it for the sake of burying it. Here’s a list to restore order and put popcorn in its proper place among some of the snacks you can find at today’s concession stands.
12
Fries
You can (and do) get fries everywhere else you go. Give them a break.
11
Flatbread pizza
I’ve had decent flatbread at a movie, but it’s never going to be a go-to for me.
10
Chicken tenders
Sorry, I just don’t trust chicken from the movie theater.
9
Cheese bites
Fried cheese snacks like mozzarrela sticks and mac & cheese bites are popping up more often. But given the option, I’ll always opt for what I consider to be the superior dipping snack, nachos.
8
Icee
The Icee is great, but it doesn’t rank higher because, like other beverages, it’s not a standalone snack, and it puts you at risk of having to make a bathroom run in the middle of the movie.
7
Hot dog
So much prep dealing with condiment packets for such a small payoff. Besides, how long have those dogs been sitting there anyway?
6
Pretzel/Pretzel bites
Pretzels are one of those things you’re never really thinking about but also never disappointed when you end up with one.
5
Popcorn
If we’re being honest, almost everything on this list can be better than popcorn when prepared properly. Popcorn only ranks higher than some of the others because it’s hard to mess up and easy to share. But let’s be honest with ourselves, popcorn isn’t usually enjoyable after about a third of the way through. Most of it ends up on the ground, and half of y’all don’t even finish the bag.
4
Ice cream
The only problem with ice cream is you have to scarf it down fast. But when it comes in the form of bites, like Dibs, ice cream is a top tier theater snack.
3
Candy
Candy is compact, easy to share and comes in many varieties. There’s a candy at the theater for everyone (I’m a goobers guy myself), and there’s usually enough in the box to last you through the movie.
2
Nachos
Nachos have been there all along, playing Robin to popcorn’s Batman all this time when, really, they were the true heroes keeping our stomach grumblings at a minimum during our cinema experience. Unlike popcorn, you’ve never not finished your nachos. It’s time we finally put some respect on nachos name and crown them the ultimate movie theater snack — well, among things you can purchase at the theater.
1
The snack you brought from home
Anytime you can get into a movie with food you brought from outside of the theater, you’re winning. Not only do you avoid paying the expensive prices at the theater, but you’re also working from a wider range of options. This obviously requires some good prep and someone with a large enough bag, but if you can make it happen, more power to you.
