Álvaro Morata says he has experienced depression and panic attacks as a result of being a professional footballer, to the point that he feared he would not be able to play in the European Championship last summer.
Spain won the tournament in style, beating England in the final, with Morata the captain and focal point of Luis de la Fuente’s attack. But the 31-year-old says he has suffered as a result of the consistent criticism he has received during his career and became “embarrassed” to be seen in the street with his children.
“When you have really tough times, depression, panic attacks, it doesn’t matter what job you do, it doesn’t matter what situation you have in life, you have another person inside that you have to fight against every day, every night,” Morata told the Spanish radio station Cope. “In the end, for me, it was the best thing to leave Spain because there came a time when I couldn’t bear it.
“In the end we are what you see on TV, what you see on social networks, but it’s a world that is often not real. You have to give an image because it’s your job and yes, I had a really bad time, I exploded and there came a time when I couldn’t lace up my boots. When I laced up my boots I would run home because my throat would close up, I started to see blurry and it’s difficult.”
Morata confirmed he had taken medication to help with his condition, “I have had to take all sorts of things,” he said. “People need to see: I had everything and I ended up like that. It doesn’t depend on what your life is like.”
His anxiety reached a peak about three months before the Euros, Morata said. “I was thinking about whether I would be able to play in a match again. I don’t know what was happening to me, I didn’t know what was happening to me, but it’s very complicated, very delicate and at that moment when you realise that what you like most in the world is what you hate most, at that moment it’s complicated.
“Every time I went out with my children there was some episode with people, sometimes without malice. It reached a point that people said so many things to me that it made me ashamed to be with them. I was an easy joke to make people laugh. Often I have crossed the line. [People] have insulted me and I have tried to shame those people who were trying to make me feel bad. The Euros changed my life because they respect me more. That photo as a champion will always be there.”
Morata has spoken in the past about the stresses of being a footballer and the physical pain endured through injury, but this is the first time he has addressed the mental toll. “I think it’s the first time I’ve said it openly, but yes, I had a really bad time and I thought I wouldn’t be able to put my boots on and jump on to a pitch again,” Morata said of his depression, explaining the support he received from within the game that allowed him to continue playing. “[It was Atlético Madrid’s], [Diego] Simeone, Koke and Miguel Ángel Gil; from them to all the people who are here in the national team, my psychiatrist, my coach,” he said.
This summer Morata joined Milan from Atlético, for whom he signed in 2019, and says the move was necessary for his wellbeing. “I thought I was going to stay at Atleti because I also really wanted to stay at Atleti. Then I did an interview and I said that I didn’t know if I was going to continue in the national team or not because I’m old, because there are very young people, because we also have other things outside of football, I have children and I remember that there was a … someone said what they thought and, in my opinion, it was excessive. I realised that that doesn’t happen to me in Italy.”
