“Actions have consequences” is one of those truisms that can simply never be beaten. As a parent, it’s a vital lesson to instill in your children, but sometimes, for better or worse, experience is the only teacher that will make a lesson stick.
A woman wondered if she was wrong for not having space for her son after he picked his father and moved out. When he changed his mind years later, OP had already made some significant lifestyle adjustments. Bored Panda reached out to OP via Reddit and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Divorce and kids are a pretty complicated combination
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But one woman had an argument with her son who had moved out years ago and now wanted to come back
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Scary-Literature-835
Managing a family after a divorce is a difficult balancing act
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This is one of those stories where it can be downright difficult to pick sides without further information. At the same time, like in so many very human arguments, there are possibly positive outcomes that the people in the argument do not see because it’s too close to their hearts. People will make decisions that make sense to them in the moment and might even be the “right” decision, without thinking about how it might make other people feel.
On the surface, it’s easy enough to see the mom’s perspective. Her son had a preference and she, ultimately, respected it, albeit not without a bit of a fuss. She moved on after a divorce and found someone new. Naturally, they moved in together and, as OP no longer had kids, she needed less space.
While perhaps it can be smart to plan some for the future, it’s perhaps not prudent to make significant real estate investments based on, for example, the possibility of one’s son having a change of heart. From OP’s story, it’s clear that she doesn’t maintain that much contact with her son, as he hardly knew what was happening in her life.
Some thought her actions were suspicious
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This is where some readers voiced concerns about OP’s story. She is somewhat vague about a number of things, including their relationship. This, naturally, leads to questions about why the son picked his father in the first place. It wouldn’t be the first time people twist facts to make themselves look better in family disputes.
As others have noted, as a mother, she still has some responsibility towards her son. This might, unfortunately for OP, require some lifestyle changes that she is not willing to make. Here we have a pretty classic conflict, where OP has to choose between caring for her son while also balancing the reality that he has to live through the consequences of his choices. While it might be easy to argue for kicking him to the curb, this young man has not had the easiest time and perhaps needs a lot more help and sympathy than, it seems, either of his parents are giving him.
OP should step up in this scenario
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After all, step-parents can be a wildcard, and there comes a point where an old enough child will start to realize that parents won’t always pick them over everything else. As other commentators have noted, this is her, perhaps only, chance to build a real bridge between herself and her son. Not helping him now could be the final straw. After all, the internet is awash with stories about adults who do not care at all about the kids they are responsible for.
OP might have to reopen this chapter of a book she perhaps wanted to move on from. It might be hard at first, but in the long run, it seems that this is also a chance to help this young man have a decent life and to reenter his life. He shouldn’t be made to suffer because his father made poor decisions.
Many people thought she was NTA
While some thought the entire situation was complicated
A few even called her out
