Many people believe that blood is thicker than water and use that as an explanation for why family should always be put first. Unfortunately, the honest truth is that not everyone gets along with their family. Sometimes, parents do wrong by their children, and sometimes it’s the children at fault.
Either way, a lot of people struggle with strained family relationships. A woman on Reddit shared a troublesome moment that she had with her mother at her wedding, who tried to force her to take in her autistic brother.
More info: Reddit
Woman’s mother shocked her on her wedding day by telling her that her autistic brother would be moving into her house
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that she had a strained relationship with her mother and younger brother because she saw how her mom would always favor him over her and her siblings
Image credits: Angela Roma (not the actual photo)
When she was getting married, her mother suddenly mentioned how happy she was that her brother would be moving into her house
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew (not the actual photo)
The mother justified the decision by saying “he likes you the most and you have the money” but the woman was shocked because her mom had never mentioned the plan before
Image credits: Rose537
The poster shared that she wouldn’t change her decision about taking in her autistic brother, but she would try to help her mom by at least convincing her to go to therapy
The Original Poster (OP) shared that her younger brother has autism and that her mother would spoil him at the cost of the other children. Her mother’s parenting decisions created a strained relationship between all of them. The World Health Organization defines autism spectrum disorders (ASD) as a diverse group of conditions that are characterized by some degree of difficulty with social interaction and communication along with atypical patterns of activities and behaviors.
About 1 in 36 children is diagnosed with autism. The abilities and needs of autistic people differ. Some individuals can live independently, while others have more severe disabilities that require life-long care and support. The OP did not clarify what level of care her brother required, but she did share the different ways her mother would cater to his needs since childhood.
To understand more about autism, Bored Panda interviewed Dr. TC Waisman, a late-diagnosed Autistic. She described herself as a non-binary, Indigenous Pasifika, Black, South Asian, and Asian autism researcher, speaker, and writer working at the crossroads of neurodivergence, intersectionality, workplaces, and higher education and the systems that influence them.
Here’s what Dr. TC Waisman had to say about the poster’s story: “I’m sorry that the OP felt that her brother’s needs were prioritized over her own throughout her life. It must have seemed so unfair, especially if the OP’s parents weren’t able to communicate the kinds of challenges that come with being Autistic. The OP and her sisters would have benefited greatly from knowing what our disability entails and how this lifelong neurological condition presents itself in her brother.”
A study on more than 1000 autistic children found that parents with higher education provided better support for the sensory challenges of their kids. Which is why education and knowledge about autism is so important.
Dr. TC Waisman also added, “I’m sure the OP and her sisters would have experienced more compassion and less judgment if they understood that their brother’s conduct is not based on misbehavior but misunderstood behavior. Often we experience communication challenges, sensory challenges, and double-empathy challenges from those around us who judge us negatively but do little or no work to understand our disability.”
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Autism is considered a neurological developmental disability with an estimated prevalence of 1-2% of the American and worldwide population. Unfortunately, people don’t treat it as seriously as physical disabilities. Dr. TC Waisman also stated, “If her brother were in a wheelchair (a more visible and societally understood form of disability), some might consider her the [jerk] if she described him using some of the descriptors in her post.”
“Since her brother has a neurological disability…it can sometimes be easier to blame the Autistic person for being lazy, spoiled, or difficult (because they don’t ‘appear’ disabled) rather than extend the same level of compassion to them,” she also added. It is estimated that nearly 10% of Americans could be experiencing medical conditions that are considered invisible disabilities. These are conditions that aren’t immediately apparent but can affect a person’s ability to carry out day-to-day activities.
Dr. TC Waisman shared a few things that parents should know about autism. She stated: “If your young child or adult child is diagnosed as Autistic, it’s time to get educated about autism from reliable sources within the autism community. There are many wonderful (and funny) Autistic and intersectional activists and autism researchers out there with podcasts, books, and research papers, who can share their experiences of being Autistic from their unique perspective.”
She also stated that the relationship and communication challenges between the poster and her mother were the main problem and that it had little or nothing to do with the younger brother. It’s important for people to have compassion and love for each other because communication challenges can happen in all kinds of relationships.
It’s very common for these kinds of misunderstandings to crop up in families, but the poster’s mother took things to the next level by telling her daughter about the decision instead of giving her a choice. Notably, the post received 6.8k upvotes. Commenters were in shock after learning about the mom’s “wedding gift.” They supported the poster’s decision and many could not believe the audacity of the mom. How do you think OP should have handled the situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Commenters sided with the poster, saying that the mom should have given the daughter a choice rather than springing the news on her
