In today's challenging rental market, young adults often find themselves struggling to keep up with soaring rent prices. Now one recent incident has sparked a heated debate about family dynamics and financial independence.
In a Reddit post, a mother deemed it 'inappropriate' for her 25-year-old daughter to move back home after her landlord imposed a staggering 40% rent hike - and raising questions about parental responsibility and adult children's independence.
In the post, the mom of three shared her situation: her eldest daughter recently moved in with her boyfriend but now wants to return home. The mom feels it's not the right time to allow her back.
In a post on r/AmItheAsshole, a user with the handle Commercial-Virus-893 explained she has a 25-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old son, and a younger daughter, who is 13. The post detailed how her eldest daughter moved out with her boyfriend three years ago and secured their own apartment.
The user further clarified that her daughter and her boyfriend had been together for four years prior to moving out, emphasizing it wasn't a hasty decision. She and her husband had supported their daughter's choice, given her age and full-time employment.
Mom Says No To Daughter's Move-In Request
Since their move-in, average rents in the area have skyrocketed by more than double. Their landlord hiked their rent by a staggering 40 percent within three months, making it impossible for them to stay.
Unfortunately, they weren't financially secure before this hike. The current market offers few options in their price range, making it difficult to find a new place with the necessary first month's rent, last month's rent, and security deposit.
California's soaring rents force residents to get creative with their living arrangements. Take Caitlin, for example. This resourceful Californian found a surprisingly spacious solution: a 1,100-square-foot underground bunker in her friend's backyard for a budget-friendly $500 monthly.
The Reddit user says her daughter initially planned to live temporarily with her boyfriend's parents to help them organize their finances. However, the parents wouldn't let her move in with them.
So, they devised a compromise: she would return home, and he would move in with his parents. They aimed to save money during this six-month separation and find a new place together. However, the situation has caused friction.
The Reddit user and her husband are hesitant about their proposal, which has become a source of tension. The parents believe that their daughter, now an adult, must learn self-reliance and navigate financial challenges independently.
Her offer to contribute rent was met with a condition: paying market rate plus utilities. This significantly higher cost would make saving up for her future goals much more difficult.
The high rent demand effectively pushed her into a crowded living situation – a two-bedroom apartment shared with six others, some of whom she considers unreliable. While the parents understand the hardship this presents, they maintain their stance that this experience fosters independence.
However, this distance has a potential downside. The daughter's reduced communication raises concerns for the parents, who worry it may strain their relationship.
Mixed Reactions
The Reddit post sparked a lively debate in the comments section. One user offered mixed reactions, first highlighting the importance of self-reliance for adult children: "Your daughter is an adult, but she's still your daughter? She's not relying on handouts. She's offered to pay rent."
However, the same user disagreed with the high rent demand: "You're really gonna charge her the market average to live at home? She even gave you a timeline. I think you're being unreasonable."
"You completely acknowledge that she was screwed over, but yet you're willing to let her struggle when you presumably have the space? There's wanting for her to learn to be an adult, and there's being unreasonable jerks."
Another user shared a personal experience contrasting their strained relationship with their mother. Despite their differences, the user received crucial financial help during a difficult time: '"My own mom and I don't get along, but she still gave me $4,000 to recover during a bad time. Now I'm making more money and was able to pay her back. It actually helped our relationship."
A separate user asked the Reddit user how she would feel if she were in her daughter's place, further noting that the strain in their relationship is obvious.
A separate comment challenged the parent's perspective directly: "Lady, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? You'd better pray nothing similar happens to you cause she'll probably leave you in the street."
Parents Supporting Adult Children
Most parents expect to support their children until they become adults financially. However, a new report from the Pew Research Center sheds light on a growing trend: many parents say they are still subsidizing their now-adult children, sometimes well into their late 20s and early 30s.
A case in point is a former electronics engineer, Alan Dyson, who shared on Quora that his children see him solely as a financial resource (ATM) despite his many sacrifices for them. He hasn't spoken to them in nine years, and he reportedly regrets ever having children.
According to the Pew Research Center, even though young adults with college degrees tend to earn more than previous generations, some parents still face challenging relationships with their children.
"Young adults are reaching some key milestones such as marriage and parenthood later in life, even as they exceed their parents' generation when it comes to educational attainment, employment and wages," Pew researchers wrote.
Adult children today are more likely to have student loan debt and higher debt amounts than their parents did. In 1992, the median student debt was around $6,000-$7,000, whereas in 2022, young adults owe a median of $16,000-$20,000 depending on age, according to Pew Research Center.
A whopping 59 percent of parents reported financially assisting their adult children in the past year. Interestingly, this support wasn't limited to the youngest adults – 44 percent of adult children, with the majority (68 percent) falling between 18 and 24 years old, received financial help from a parent.
The most common uses for this financial assistance were everyday expenses (28 percent) and covering the costs of communication and entertainment (25 percent), which includes cellphone bills and streaming service subscriptions. Less frequent areas of parental support included rent (17 percent), medical expenses (15 percent), and education costs (11 percent).
