When there’s a bigger age gap between siblings, parents might feel tempted to transfer some of their duties to the older children. While this can teach them responsibility and the importance of helping out in a family, not all people think it’s fair to give kids adult obligations at a young age.
Like this grandma, who, after seeing her teenage granddaughter staying up all night to take care of her baby siblings, called CPS to solve the issue. However, after doing so, she started doubting whether she had stirred up too much drama in her granddaughter’s life.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with licensed therapist Kelly McCullough, LCSW, from La Jolla Therapy Center, who kindly agreed to chat with us about giving responsibilities to older siblings.
When parents feel tired or overwhelmed, they might feel tempted to ask for help from their older children
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envato (not the actual photo)
This grandma was totally appaled when her daughter used teenage child as babysitter and even called CPS on her
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: [deleted]
It’s not neccessarily bad to ask older siblings to babysit younger ones
Licensed therapist Kelly McCullough, LCSW, from La Jolla Therapy Center, says that it’s not neccessarily bad to ask older siblings to babysit younger ones. But this has to depend on the chronological age and developmental needs of the siblings.
By assigning older kids childcare, parents can foster a sense of responsibility and self-competence just by giving them the opportunity to perform a job. “Older siblings can improve their sense of self-esteem if they feel they are contributing in an important way to the family,” McCullough said.
However, this can also come with quite a few risks. “Some risks may be incurred if the younger sibling’s developmental needs outweigh the older sibling’s capacity for caregiving; for example, if a younger sibling has difficult behaviors to manage (like aggression, throwing, or biting), it may put an unfair burden on the older child to manage these independently without adult support,” McCullough noted.
That’s why it’s important to make sure that sibling is ready and old enough to take care of younger children. It might not be about a specific age, but more about the maturity level of the sibling—parents should be able to evaluate that without much trouble. If a child shows patience and enthusiasm to help out with siblings, that’s a good sign they’re ready to take on the responsibility. In case they are disinterested and easily become irritated or frustrated with a younger sibling’s behavior, they might not be mature enough for the task.
But parents also shouldn’t forget that free time is important for young people
Another important thing for parents to remember is not to overwhelm the older child with childcare responsibilities since they probably have a lot on their plate already, like school, homework, extracurricular activities, and perhaps even a part-time job. It’s crucial that they have some free time for themselves as well.
To keep a healthy balance, McCullough suggests following a “hire slow, fire fast” method. “In parenting terms, this means slowly offering and then increasing babysitting responsibilities in a graduated fashion. Maybe start with 15 minutes of babysitting while the parent is still home and increasing both the duration of time and the amount of responsibilities in an intentional manner. Check in with the older child frequently to see how they are feeling and how it is going.”
The truth is that babysitting is a demanding job, and not all children might be up to it. Alternatively, there are plenty of other chores kids can do that teach the same lesson but don’t involve childcare. 20 minutes of vacuuming, washing dishes, or folding laundry can also teach them responsibility and award them with a sense of accomplishment and competence without overwhelming them.
Parents shouldn’t forget that free time is important for young people. According to research, not having enough leisure time can halt children from reaching their optimal mental health. In general, parents should keep a balance of trying to instill a sense of discipline and responsibility and also allowing for some free time.
Some readers praised grandma for calling CPS
While others had completely different opinions
