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The Canberra Times
The Canberra Times
Sally Pryor

Modern family: on the campaign trail with baby Maeve

Chris Steel didn't plan on having a baby in election year.

But babies don't tend to care about politics.

And when you've been trying for four years, with ups and downs and setbacks completely beyond your control, politics doesn't always align itself with the ways of the world.

Or perhaps it does.

The ACT Minister for Planning, Transport, Skills and Training, now has a new - and outrageously cute - mission in life, and it's bringing up baby Maeve.

"She has brought so much joy to our lives," he says.

Chris Steel with baby Maeve. Picture by Gary Ramage

"It's so nice to come home to her and feed her. She's just starting on solids, which is just really fun, she really loves her food."

Coming home each night, in other words, is a nice change from campaigning, speaking to constituents, answering questions about expenditure, defending planning or financial decisions, and just generally being an MLA in the lead-up to an election.

'We made the right decision'

Kurt Oborne and Chris Steel with baby Maeve. Picture by Gary Ramage

Steel and his partner of 13 years, Kurt Oborne, had always known they wanted kids. But as a gay couple, the path to parenthood wasn't obvious.

They had heard about surrogacy, but initially ruled it out, given the process isn't fully regulated in Australia.

"But a few friends of ours had actually started to go through the process of surrogacy, which is fairly rare - we don't know that many people who have gone through it," Steel says.

"We started doing a bit of research and found that Canada is well-regulated and offered altruistic surrogacy."

They knew the process would be long and expensive but, like so many parents, they took a leap of faith.

Having been engaged since the marriage equality referendum, they ditched the idea of a wedding in the near future.

"We made a decision that, rather than spending a whole bunch of money on a wedding, that we pursue this because it was more important to us," Steel says.

"So that's what we did. We made the right decision."

But the process - finding a surrogate and an egg donor, navigating IVF, travelling to and from Canada - hasn't been smooth or straightforward.

Luckily, the surrogate was a perfect match for the family. "We just clicked with her immediately," Steel says.

"She'll be part of our lives. Obviously she lives overseas so we won't get to see her that often, but we're in constant contact, giving updates on how Maeve's going."

Chris Steel with daughter Maeve Steel. Picture by Gary Ramage

The couple prefer not to say which of them is Maeve's biological father - in fact, says Steel, this is not a question that should ever be asked of parents of a child born via surrogacy.

"What's been funny is that friends of ours have been coming up and saying, 'Oh, I think she really looks like you', to either one of us," he says, laughing.

"But it doesn't really matter, is the point. And I think a lot of parents feel that way."

'I don't think you can prepare yourself'

Despite the planning that went into the process, Steel and Oborne were still overcome with emotion when Maeve was born.

"I don't think you prepare yourself for how the emotion overcomes you," Oborne says.

And it hasn't worn off; Oborne is now a stay-at-home dad, and judging by his constant, adoring squeezes of Maeve as she dozes on his chest in a cafe, he still can't believe his luck.

But back when the newly expanded family was ready to come home from Canada, he says he was beside himself with stress at the prospect of the long plane ride.

"We thought the plane trip was going to be awful, but actually she slept the whole way," he says.

In fact, far from attracting any judgement or opprobrium, the family is most often accosted by admirers - of Maeve, that is.

"We got to Sydney Airport and this woman comes over, and says, 'My ovaries are hurting!' and we were like, 'OK, overshare!'," he says.

It has also helped that Maeve has been a model Canberra citizen from the get-go, sleeping through the night and charming all who see her.

"She has actually been a little bit perfect," Steel says.

And any worries Steel had as a public figure with a child born via surrogacy have also melted away. A Maternal, Child and Community Health Nurse matched them straight away with a parents group that included another gay couple, and their friends and neighbours have rallied behind the new parents.

Modern families

Apart from being "a little bit perfect", Maeve has actually helped Steel connect on a deeper level with the community he represents politically.

Before becoming an MLA, Steel had worked for the territory and federal governments as a policy adviser on education, early childhood, community services and youth policy.

But he says his work has new meaning now.

"I have to say, though, that you know, talking with other parents, door-knocking or whatever, there's definitely, I think, a greater understanding of some of the issues that they're facing," he says.

"They're willing to really just open up to me as well when they know that I'm a parent. I think it's been quite interesting. I think it just goes to show [the benefit of] having a variety of different people in the assembly with different experiences and backgrounds."

He says any couple exploring surrogacy as an option should consider all their options, and the complexities and expenses involved in each one.

"I think it's the same for any parent making a decision about having kids and how you're going to manage that, and it's much like any other couple in that regard," he says.

"It is a massive responsibility, even though Maeve has been a very excellent and chilled baby.

"It's the reality of modern families - they come in all different shapes and sizes."

A bittersweet Father's Day

Steel will spend at least part of his first Father's Day door-knocking. But the weekend will be bittersweet for another reason.

Saturday marked the 10-year anniversary of the death of his brother, Kurt Steel.

He died in a bus crash while on holiday in Bolivia in 2014.

He was, at the time, then-deputy chief minister Andrew Barr's media adviser, and a rising star in the Australian Labor movement.

He was also a strong supporter of his brother's political aspirations.

The Steel family planned to gather, as they always do, along with Kurt Steel's friends, to remember him.

But this year, for the first time, there's a grandchild in the mix.

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