A will is a sacred document and someone’s last wishes, which should be honored in their memory, not changed the minute they’re gone. Tampering with it could lead to plenty of friction, especially when there’s family involved.
For one woman, she’s been caught in a tricky situation. Her mother-in-law revealed to her that she’s changed her late husband’s will, which once split the inheritance equally between 5 siblings, to suddenly favor some kids over others. Now the woman’s unsure whether or not she should let the other children know.
More info: Mumsnet
A will is supposed to respect the deceased person’s final wishes, but this mother-in-law has other ideas
Her dead husband’s will split the inheritance equally between five siblings, but she’s changed it behind almost everyone’s backs
The one child who knows about it is unsure whether or not to say something to the other kids in the equation
The woman who knows isn’t relying on the inheritance, but knows the less well-off siblings are
Image credits: deargodno
She’s encouraged the mother-in-law to tell all the kids, but she’s remained evasive, so the woman feels stuck with the secret and doesn’t know what to do
OP begins her story by telling the community that her father-in-law sadly passed away a few years ago, but before he died, he sorted out his will and estate with his wife, OP’s mother-in-law. The old man’s last wishes were that the inheritance be split equally among the 5 children in the family, since he had a good relationship with all of them.
Well, last year, the mother-in-law had a falling out with one of the children, previously her favorite, and discreetly had her will changed so that now the two favorite kids get most of the inheritance, the two middle ones get slightly less, and the remaining kid gets the least.
The mother-in-law only told OP’s other half (OH) about the changes, something she’s only just discovered. Now OP is torn between telling the other siblings or keeping her mother-in-law’s secret. She adds that she isn’t relying on the inheritance, since she’s quite well-off, but it’s something the lowest-ranking siblings are depending on.
OP says that she and her husband have tried to persuade the mother-in-law to reveal the changes she’s made, but it’s been a year, and she hasn’t said a word. While OP says she’s not close to the families who are going to be affected poorly, she still wonders, if she were one of them, if she would want someone who knew to give her a heads-up.
OP’s stuck between a rock and a hard place here. On the one hand, if she reveals the truth to everyone, the mother-in-law might change the will to her detriment. On the other, keeping it secret could lead to animosity if the other siblings ever found out about it.
In his article for Psychology Today, David Ludden Ph.D. writes that, if you’re like most people, you can probably count about a dozen pieces of personal information that you’ve never shared with anyone and probably never will.
Concealing secrets can often be harmful in the long term, both psychologically and physically, but according to Columbia University psychologist Michael Slepian and University of Chicago psychologist Alex Koch, it’s not the concealment that harms us, but rather the fact that humans tend to ruminate on their secrets.
“Our secrets can hurt us. But the hard part of having them isn’t that we have to hide them; it’s that we have to live with them in our thoughts,” says Slepian, author of The Secret Life of Secrets.
People who keep more secrets report that their health is worse, they get less pleasure out of life, and their relationships are weaker than people who have fewer skeletons in their closets.
In her article for Psych Central, Suzanne Handler writes that, while keeping a family secret from the outside world may be advisable for privacy or protection, keeping secrets within the family can prove to be problematic. Handler goes on to identify 5 reasons why.
One reason is that keeping secrets can destroy familial relationships via an inevitable breakdown in communication, leading to resentment and hostility.
Another reason is that keeping secrets can cause suspicion and resentment. Trust is severely damaged when family members find out that a secret, especially one that is amplified by a lie, has been hidden from them, especially for a long time.
Finally, keeping secrets can lead to mental and physical illness, such as anxiety, depression, migraines, insomnia, a sense of isolation, digestive problems, and the rapid progression of diseases, especially over a long period of time.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she should play her cards close to her chest, or reveal everything to the other siblings? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that it was none of the woman’s business and she should let the mother-in-law do what she wanted to
