Giving gifts is tons of fun, but it definitely requires lots of thought and effort to get people things they’d actually like. Sometimes, even if you’ve tried your best, certain folks who are very picky about presents might not appreciate your effort.
This is exactly what kept happening to a woman who was stuck getting gifts for her finicky mother-in-law. Since her husband wanted no part in it, everything fell on her shoulders. She had to find a present for the woman, who had once rejected 70% of the things gifted to her.
More info: Mumsnet
Gift-giving is the most fun part of the holiday season, but sometimes fussy people can spoil it for everyone else by being way too particular
The poster explained that her mother-in-law wasn’t an easy person to get along with and that when it came to receiving gifts, she was picky and gave back everything she didn’t like
The mom-in-law’s fussiness with regard to gifts made it difficult for everyone else because they were then stuck with things they didn’t want or couldn’t return
Apart from being picky about the gifts she got, the mother-in-law also kept complaining about family Christmas events or having to cook for people even if she had offered to do so
Since the poster’s husband had delegated the gift-giving to her, she was at a loss for what to get her mom-in-law and wondered if it was worth doing anything for such a rude woman
The woman explained that her husband’s mom has a history of being disruptive and not easy to get along with. Apart from complaining about pretty much everything, she also made an incredible fuss when it came to receiving gifts. One year she returned seven of the ten presents she had been given, so the OP was then stuck with the rejected items.
To understand how best to deal with in-laws like this, Bored Panda reached out to Marie Morin. She is a licensed therapist, wellness coach, and best-selling author specializing in helping individuals navigate estrangement and family challenges.
Through the Morin Holistic Therapy channel, ‘Feeling Heartbroken and Alone’ ebook, workshops, and blog, she offers insights, tools, and strategies for healing, setting boundaries, and finding forgiveness. We asked Marie what exactly folks can do when faced with toxic in-laws.
She said that one should “communicate clearly. If it’s possible, have a polite and honest talk. Explain how their actions affect you using ‘I’ statements (e.g., ‘I feel upset when…’), and avoid blaming. Set boundaries and decide what’s okay and what’s not and explain these limits in a respectful but firm way.”
“Focus on yourself. You can’t control others’ actions, but you can control your reactions. Take care of your mental health and avoid unnecessary fights. If talking directly doesn’t work, ask a neutral person (like another family member or a counselor) to help resolve the situation,” Marie explained.
Even though the woman had tried to talk to her mother-in-law about how rude it was to reject gifts so callously, the other woman didn’t seem to get the point. Even sentimental gifts like photos of her grandchildren were kept hidden because she didn’t want to put them on display. All of this definitely got on the OP’s nerves, and she felt unsure of what to do.
The poster’s husband didn’t take a stand against his mom. Instead, he guilt-tripped his wife into keeping on getting presents by saying that his mother would feel hurt if she didn’t get anything. He knew that his wife was tired of doing the chore, but he still refused to help her do it or clear up things with his mom.
Therapist Marie Morin explained that in situations like this, “the spouse has a key part to play.” She said it’s important for them to “support their partner. Listen to their concerns and validate their feelings. Show them you’re on the same team. Talk to your family respectfully to ensure your partner is treated fairly.”
“Set and communicate boundaries. Clearly tell your family what’s okay and what’s not, and ensure these rules are followed. Aim for peace and respect for all sides. Protect your partner without escalating conflicts,” she shared. Since the OP’s husband was staying out of the matter, and she had to do everything, she felt confused about how to handle the situation.
Marie told us that “when dealing with rude family members, it’s important to decide if the issue is worth the effort to confront. It is not acceptable to be mistreated ever; however, if this is more about the mother-in-law being miserable about a gift, let her carry on.”
“What this means is you can choose to simply not be attached to a specific outcome and ignore her behavior. Her not being satisfied with your gift says a lot about her. You could just buy her a scarf every year with a gift receipt and let her complain,” she added.
Folks also shared some extremely clever ideas with the woman on how to get the one-up on her mother-in-law. They told the OP to buy things she liked so that even if her husband’s mom returned the gifts, she’d be able to enjoy using them.
Do you have any clever tricks the woman could use to combat her mom-in-law’s toxicity?
Netizens agreed that the lady’s mother-in-law was quite rude and that her son should be tasked to pick out her presents
