PEORIA, Ariz. — Mike Shildt remembers.
He remembers his time as a high school coach and a part-time college coach and a private instructor and a scout and then how he spent eight years riding the buses in the New York Penn League and the Appalachian League.
"I was managing rookie ball," he said recently, "and I thought if I did that the rest of my life, I'd be — and would have been— super content and happy."
And that helps explain why Shildt is just fine where he's at now.
"I'm grateful to be here and be a part of it, do my small piece to help," Shildt said .
He expresses this in so many different ways — and each time with an earnestness that is nothing but believable.
This is remarkable because he rose from those bus rides to become a major league manager. A successful one. And suddenly and unexpectedly, he no longer was one.
"I was in a tough place," he said. "It was my dream job, and I was good at it. And it was just gone."
The candor about what he lost and what he wants again is another thing that makes it easy to believe Shildt is at peace even as he remains restless.
He is not pretending. He is satisfied, yet he yearns. He is living his life the best he can even if it's not what he thinks his best life can be.
These things don't have to be at odds. By living in the moment, Shildt is proving the harmony that can exist when a man chooses peace in spite of angst.
Shildt quickly had to make the choice to move on when, despite three postseason appearances in three years, he was fired by the Cardinals following the 2021 season. And now he is in his second year with the Padres — Year 2 of making a decision to be happy where he is, content to be coaching baseball and be part of an organization that has a chance to win a lot.
"I love it here," Shildt said. "And I'm grateful for the opportunity to be here. Your body of work speaks for yourself and you earn the opportunity. But they stepped up to give it to me. People have been good to me."
Bob Melvin is about to begin his second season with the Padres. He has managed 17 full seasons in the big leagues and parts of two others. He has managed continuously since 2011, longer than any other current MLB skipper.
So it's not that he would seem to need so much help, but he is certainly comfortable being assisted by coaching talent.
His staff is rich with former major league managers in third base coach Matt Williams and Bryan Price, a Senior Advisor to the major league staff. There are also at least a couple guys considered future managers in associate manager Ryan Christenson and offensive coordinator/bench coach Ryan Flaherty.
And there is Shildt, whose Cardinals teams went to the playoffs all three years he was their manager for the entire season.
"He was a terrific resource for us last year," Melvin said. "It's nice to have someone that is big-league experienced, that can come and go and tell you what he sees."
Evidence of Shildt's commitment to his current circumstance lies in his having poured himself into the Padres.
Shildt holds the title of Senior Advisor to Player Development and Major Leagues.
He has done a little bit of everything for the team, including coaching first base and third base when David Macias and Williams, respectively, had to sit out due to illness and a surgery, and as bench coach when Christenson was out ill. Shildt is a sounding board for Melvin, other coaches and players. He has worked extensively with Fernando Tatis Jr., both during his rehab from wrist surgery last year and this past offseason.
"He cares about the players," center fielder Trent Grisham said. "I think he cares about humans in general. It's really, really cool to see that in a person, especially in this place. Sometimes it's a hostile environment, professional sports. We're here to compete and win. But to see a presence like that, somebody that really cares for people wants to help people, it's really cool."
Shildt also traverses the minor league system as part of the Padres' attempt to create a consistent identity and method of teaching from the first step up to the big club.
"I've really super enjoyed working with the minor league staff — Ryley Westman, Mike Daly and the coaches in the system," Shildt said. "Being able to go through and be a hopefully a resource of positivity and wisdom to them. … I've always been an organizational guy. I've always been a player-first guy. I'm around a bunch of people that care about players, invest in the players. The players are sincere about wanting to get better. It's just a great environment."
Listening to him, knowing of his background, it is safe to say there was a time when a job like the one he has would have been all Shildt could have imagined he would have or need.
But then he became a major league manager, one of 30 men in the world to have the title.
He loved the gig. Then he lost it.
Eight days after the Cardinals lost to the Dodgers in the National League wild-card game, Shildt got on a Zoom call with Cardinals President of Baseball Operations John Mozeliak expecting to talk about a contract extension. Shildt was instead fired in what he said was a conversation of no more than five minutes.
The reason given was "philosophical differences." (Shildt's firing certainly was not due to the 252-199 record in the 3 1/2 seasons, which included a franchise-record 17 consecutive victories that September. It also didn't have to do with the three playoff appearances despite an offense that never finished higher than 19th in runs scored in those three years.)
Mozeliak has repeatedly declined requests from media outlets to explain further.
Shildt only reluctantly addresses the split. It is painful and, he knows, potentially destructive, to publicly work through questions posed to him recently. He did so only when presented with instances of what has been said by some around the league about why the Cardinals justified the split.
Mainly — and Shildt acknowledges it — he didn't see "eye to eye" with some in the front office. He had only worked for the Cardinals and was a strict adherent to what is commonly known as the Cardinal Way. He believes it was adherence to those tenets that played a large role in the team's success.
"The thing that got me in trouble over there," he said, "was they were making a cultural shift that I didn't agree with."
Some of the other things that have been quietly alleged regarding Shildt — that he was demanding of his staff to the point of being demeaning — would seem to belie in the strongest possible way what anyone would expect from the mild-mannered and measured man who has been present for the Padres.
Said infielder Jake Cronenworth: "He's a really, really good human. He's open to talk about whatever —life, baseball. I'm glad we have him."
Shildt speaks carefully, in slowly delivered sentences. With every word, it is clear he would rather not be talking on this topic.
"I'd been indoctrinated to take these players' careers seriously," he said. "And if I saw something that wasn't good, I had a huge obligation there, which I'll still feel, but not nearly as intense."
He said he was not a micromanager. But he had been taught through the years that a manager needed to know about every department and every facet of the those that worked with his players.
"I do recognize I care too much," Shildt said. "… And so I held accountability to these departments that I didn't have the autonomy for, and that's what rubs people wrong. ...I know what togetherness looks like. I know what a respectful, accountable conversation looks like. The fact of the matter is nowadays, you can't have as many accountable conversations."
It is pointed out to Shildt that a manager is often far better at his second job based on what he learned from mistakes in his first one. He is asked what he would do different.
"I pulled the players and pushed the staff," Shildt said. "And I wouldn't push as hard. It's a fine line, because every night is a thin margin competition and I respectfully held people accountable."
He wants to manage again. That could go without saying, but he says it.
"Closure is a part of why I want to manage too," he said. "The thing that's really frustrating is I'm a good dude. I treat people well. I've treated people well my whole life. So the insinuation that I haven't is so gosh darn frustrating."
Also, for all that would have been right in his world if had never stopped traversing those tiny towns in rookie ball, he now knows what it's like to be at the top.
"I love the fact you're playing to win a World Series," he said. "I love the fact that you're taking a group of guys, getting them to play together and get everybody on the same goal. … I loved the challenge of all the things that came with it — the media, creating a safe place and accountable place in the clubhouse, creating a standard."
For now, that is what he is focused on doing in the role he has.
"It's a great time to be a Padre," Shildt said Monday after a morning spent working with minor leaguers on the back fields and an afternoon spent in the dugout of a major league game. "I love the vision. … (Peter) Seidler and A.J. (Preller) have been first class with me. And everybody is just synced up with their belief systems. Bob has been amazing. I respect him and his integrity. I've learned a lot from Bob. I have no agenda other than to do my small part to help bring this organization its first championship. I'm doing the best I can to help where I can."
