ANN ARBOR, Mich. — The past two weeks have been a period of self-reflection for Juwan Howard.
After being reinstated as Michigan's head coach on Monday, Howard made one thing clear: He takes full responsibility for his actions during the postgame altercation at Wisconsin on Feb. 20 that led to him serving a five-game suspension and being fined $40,000.
And when he returns to the sidelines on Thursday at the Big Ten tournament in Indianapolis, Howard understands there will be a microscope on him moving forward
"I can come with a thousand excuses, but I'm not. I take full ownership for my actions," Howard said Wednesday in his first public comments since he was suspended on Feb. 21.
"I could talk about the timeout. We could discuss the pull on the arm. We can talk about the words that were exchanged with coaches. But all that will be excuses. The main thing is that was not the right way how I should carry myself as a head coach at the University of Michigan. I was truly upset with myself."
Howard said he spent time "soul-searching" and sought therapy while he was away from the team. Howard noted while the therapy was part of a "collaboration," it was also something he wanted to do and wasn't his first time seeking it.
"I want to be a better person. I want to be a better coach," Howard said. "I feel that was the right thing to do to help improve as a person. I got a chance to really evaluate and see what areas I can improve on. And that is not just because of now, but that's going to be for the future as well because I enjoy being here and I enjoy being a leader this program."
However, Howard had what he called a "setback" when he got into a verbal confrontation with Wisconsin coach Greg Gard in the postgame handshake line over a late timeout. Things escalated and Howard struck Wisconsin assistant coach Joe Krabbenhoft in the head during the skirmish.
Howard said once got on the bus after that game, he was disappointed with how he conducted himself in that situation and at the postgame press conference, during which he never apologized for his actions.
"I'm sorry. I hurt a lot of people," Howard said. "I hurt my family. I hurt my players and their families. I hurt my staff. I hurt the Michigan family, the Michigan alumni base. A lot of people got hurt during that moment. And I'm still hurting."
While Howard apologized to Krabbenhoft during his opening statement at Wednesday's press conference at Crisler Center, he said he didn't reach out to Gard or Krabbenhoft during his suspension because he feels they deserve an apology in person.
Until then, Howard said he's going to focus on being the best version of himself.
"I know there's going to be a big microscope on me every time that I coach, what are my emotions like, how I'm going to communicate with my players," Howard said. "I know I'm not a perfect person and the mistake that I made, I will try to improve. But there was growth and I have learned during the process and I will continue to keep learning."
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Big Ten tournament
No. 8 seed Michigan vs. No. 9 seed Indiana
— Tip-off: 11:30 a.m. Thursday, Gainbridge Fieldhouse, Indianapolis
— Records: Michigan 17-13, 11-9 Big Ten; Indiana 18-12, 9-11
— Outlook: Michigan won the lone regular-season meeting between the teams, 80-62, at Assembly Hall on Jan. 23. ...Sophomore center Hunter Dickinson practiced on Wednesday for the first time since missing Sunday's game at Ohio State with a stomach bug. ...Indiana has lost seven of nine heading into the postseason. ...The winner will advance to face top-seeded Illinois in the quarterfinals at 11:30 a.m. Friday.
