When Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps wakes up in the morning, he asks himself how he can be his best self that day, not only for his own mental health, but also for his wife and kids.
The most decorated Olympian of all-time didn’t always have the best relationship with his mental health. He struggled with substance abuse, depression, and suicidal thoughts before checking himself into an inpatient treatment center in 2014.
“Back in 2014 when I saw my first therapist, I was the most tense being on the planet,” Phelps told Fortune.
After years of compartmentalizing and suppressing his emotions—while putting all of his energy into training for the Olympics—Phelps is trying to ensure his four sons—ages eight, six, five, and 11 months old—don't go down the same path.
“I saw what [poor] mental health was doing to my Olympic family members, but I also saw what that was doing to people all over the world,” Phelps previously told Fortune. “That’s where the next chapter started for me.”
Here’s Phelps’ top parenting tricks to help them create healthy relationships with their emotions.
Show vulnerability
Phelps was afraid to be vulnerable while he was still competitively swimming, believing that showing his emotions would give his competitors an edge. But now he recognizes how dangerous that was to his well-being, leading him to a point where he “didn’t want to be alive anymore,” he says.
With the help of years of therapy, Phelps now recognizes the power of vulnerability—and isn’t afraid to be vulnerable in front of his kids.
“During COVID, my kids learned a lot about my mental health struggles,” Phelps says. “They see me go through [it].”
By candidly showing his kids that he struggles mentally—and that he knows how to work through those difficult moments—Phelps is building a foundation where mental health is a normal part of family conversations.
Use the ‘lion breath’
Phelps and his wife have a practice they implement regularly to get their kids to be in touch with their emotions.
“When they have big strong emotions—acting out and showing frustration—one thing we implemented a couple of years ago is this thing called a lion breath,” Phelps says.
When his kids are upset about something, Phelps and his wife will tell them to take a deep breath and “roar like a lion as loud as you possibly can.”
Once they do that, Phelps says, they’re able to take a step back and voice how they feel—like if something their brother did hurt their feelings.
“It’s teaching them to try to talk about their emotions and feelings instead of stuffing them down and compartmentalizing them,” Phelps says. “That’s what I did for a long time.”
The goal with that exercise is to promote a safe and comfortable place for them to share how they’re feeling—both by giving them tools to handle their emotions, and leading by example.
Phelps admits that every day isn’t perfect for him, but he shows his kids a consistent effort to make each day better.
For more on parenting:
- Yelling at your kid makes you ‘not a safe person,’ warns a parenting expert. 3 ways to stop
- AI chatbot prompted a 14-year-old’s suicide, mom’s lawsuit alleges: ‘We are behind the eight ball.’ Here’s how to keep kids safe from new tech
- Selena Gomez’s mom shares 2 essential tips for parenting children with mental health challenges
- Is teen social media use a crisis or moral panic?
