This article contains detailed descriptions of abuse.
The women killed by men’s violence represent only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problem of male violence. When we focus only on deaths, we risk ignoring the full extent of what lurks beneath the fatalities.
The prevalence of domestic, family and sexual violence is difficult to quantify given that acts of violence against women so often go unreported to the police. It is estimated that almost nine in 10 incidents of sexual assault are not reported. When asked why they did not alert the police to such abuse, just over a third of the women respondents said they believed they could deal with the incident themselves, while another third said they did not regard the incident as a serious offence.
Even more concerning, a quarter of the women cited feelings of shame or embarrassment as factors contributing to their unwillingness to go to the police. It is a dire reflection of contemporary community attitudes that the majority of women in Australia who experience sexual violence carry the burden of shame for the sexually violent actions of men.
The barriers to reporting sexual violence are also experienced by victims of other forms of gender-based violence. Almost half of the women who experience violence from a current or former intimate partner do not seek any advice or support, and over 80% never contact the police to report that violence. These statistics are even more alarming when you consider that, Australia-wide, it has been estimated that on average, police respond to a domestic and family violence incident every two minutes. In far too many instances, that call is never made.
During countless research interviews with victim-survivors of intimate partner violence over the years, I have listened to individuals recount the reasons why they did not report their victimisation to police. I have come to understand the challenges faced by victim-survivors, many of whom hold a deep distrust of the police and the justice system, and some of whom, by virtue of the abuse they have experienced, have lost the sense of independence and confidence within themselves to disclose their abuse to a support service or justice agency.
During an interview I conducted in 2021 with Ash (a pseudonym used in order to protect her identity), a woman in her 40s living in Western Australia, I asked her why she had not told anyone about her experience of coercive control, a pattern of abusive behaviours I will explore in more detail shortly. Ash explained:
“I didn’t have the words to say what was happening to me. I didn’t know what it was. I had this feeling, always feeling sick, nervous, anxious, stressed. I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t know what it was, didn’t know what to say but didn’t know who to ask for help. And it’s also the shame. How could I let this happen? How come [when] I’m a strong, intelligent person with a good job and a degree? How did I get fooled by this person?
“And there’s also the fact that … they’re charismatic and they’re charming. And every time they think they’re about to lose you, they draw [you] back in. And they’re so good at that and you think, no, they’re that person. What I’ve since learnt is, no, the true person they are is actually that bad side. And all the rest is actually the window-dressing, to keep you toeing the line.”
Given the low level of reporting to justice agencies, the most reliable prevalence estimates we have in Australia, beyond criminal justice system data, come from the Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey. The survey collects data on self-reported rates of victimisation among Australians since the age of 15, and over the past 12 months. According to the latest findings, released in 2023, 8 million Australians have experienced violence since the age of 15. This means that:
- one in four women, and one in 14 men, have experienced intimate partner violence
- one in five women, and one in 16 men, have experienced sexual violence
- one in three women, and two in five men, have experienced physical violence
- one in five women, and one in 15 men, have experienced stalking
In many instances, these different forms of violence will not be perpetrated in isolation from one another. Some victim-survivors experience multiple forms of abuse during an abusive relationship, and in some cases in numerous abusive relationships throughout their lives.
While men’s violence against women can take many different forms — be it physical, sexualised, intimidatory, or focused on property or pets, for example — all of these are underpinned and linked by the male desire for power and control over women. When the motivation for violence is viewed from this perspective, it is not surprising to learn that the breakdown of a relationship and the period of separation immediately after can be a time of incredible risk for women and children. It is when women attempt to assert their independence, when they attempt to live an individual life, when his control over her is at threat, that they are at the greatest risk of serious — all too often fatal — violence.
In a reflection of the evolving understanding of different forms of abuse, the most recent Personal Safety Survey was the first to collect data on economic abuse among co-habiting partners. Economic abuse was defined as behaviours or actions “aimed at preventing or controlling a person’s access to economic resources, causing them emotional harm or fear”. The survey shows that one in six women, and one in 13 men, have experienced this type of abuse since the age of 15.
Economic abuse can involve a wide range of abusive behaviours. Guidance provided to members of the Australian judiciary details numerous scenarios of economic and financial abuse, including:
“Controlling the victim’s access to finances and income. For example, victims may be refused access to, or information about, bank accounts … Sometimes perpetrators may exploit the victim’s finances or coerce the victim to take on debt. Examples include perpetrators taking out credit cards in the victim’s name without the victim’s knowledge, coercing the victim to sign a contract for the provision of finance, a loan or credit, coercing the victim to sign assets over to the perpetrator or to enable access to line of credit.”
In 2021 I led a research project funded by the Australian Institute of Criminology, during which we interviewed 170 victim-survivors of coercive control living in Australia. Numerous victim-survivors shared horrific stories of the coercive and controlling abuse they had experienced from their partners, including financial abuse. It was during this project that I interviewed Ash. She described in detail her experience of financial abuse by her then husband:
“If you have a joint account, having to ask permission to spend money. And it can be so insidious and subtle … like, ‘Sure just spend it on whatever you want.’ And in my situation, I asked if I could have money on a monthly basis, so I could just spend it. And it was like, ‘No, no. Just use the joint account.’
“But anything I spent money on was then queried. My ex used to work away on rosters and he used to have this opinion that, why was the water bill so high? Why was the food bill so high? Why was the power bill so high? And he had this thing where even though the money being spent was for his partner of then 15 years and then wife and his children, he shouldn’t have to pay that because he worked away and he wasn’t there. And yet he’d come home and he’d leave the tap running and the lights on and complain at everyone else. ‘You’re always leaving the lights on and you’re costing so much money.’
“Things like, ‘I need a new pair of jeans. Is it alright if I buy some jeans?’ ‘You’ve got a cupboard full of clothes.’… He drained me of over $200,000 in my savings … I wasn’t allowed to work, that was just, ‘No, you’re not working.’ … And if you ever did have the courage to do something out of line, because you live in fear, constant fear, the ramifications of that were just not worth doing something wrong. The massive rages and explosions followed by the silent treatment.’”
For Amy, another victim-survivor interviewed as part of the coercive control project, her experience of financial abuse continued beyond the relationship and into the period of separation. Amy, aged in her 40s and living in New South Wales, described how her partner:
“Kicked me out of my job, because we had a business together and he kicked me out of that, so I had no job, no income, and he made me pay the whole mortgage because I was living here but … he wouldn’t sign paperwork to change the mortgage to interest only while we were going through four years of family law court. So somehow, I had to pay the full mortgage by myself that whole time with no job and no income.”
Amy and Ash’s experiences illustrate the lived reality of economic and financial abuse — the ways in which an abuser utilises their control over their partner to whittle away at their financial decision-making and independence, and thereby their safety. Over the past decade of conducting research on coercive control, I have heard numerous stories like these.
A current parliamentary inquiry has provided a political platform for victim-survivors of this form of abuse to share their experiences. The Financial Services Regulatory Framework in Relation to Financial Abuse inquiry has heard calls for a range of reforms to the operation of financial institutions, including the major banks and other lending organisations, to more effectively identify, prevent and, if needed, respond to this form of abuse. These calls are welcome, but while our understanding of abuse and the myriad ways in which it can be perpetrated is expanding, domestic, family and sexual violence are old problems that are showing no sign of abating.
These acts of male violence must not continue to be the everyday experiences of women and girls across Australia, but they are.
This is an edited extract from Our National Crisis: Violence Against Women & Children by Kate Fitz-Gibbon, published as part of Monash University Publishing’s “In the National Interest” series.
If you or someone you know is affected by sexual assault or violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.
For counselling, advice and support for men in NSW, Victoria and Tasmania who have anger, relationship or parenting issues, call the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491. Men in WA can contact the Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline on 1800 000 599.
