Unsure how to approach a sensitive health conversation with your partner?
While there shouldn’t be any shame around health issues, it can feel tricky raising concerns about your partner’s health – especially if it involves something perceived as being ‘embarrassing’ or sensitive.
This can particularly apply to men: a survey commissioned by the app myGP last year found one in four men (23%) refuse to seek medical advice about a health issue due to embarrassment. But, what if you’re the partner of a man who may need to tackle a health issue, but you’re nervous about how to bring the topic up?
First off, men’s health and sexual function specialist Dr Anand Patel, advisor to Eroxon, says being able to have these conversations in relationships is important.
“It is the unsaid conversations that cause the most stress in relationships,” says Patel. “If you have a partnership where you can communicate your needs and stresses on a regular basis, you are probably going to have a really functioning relationship.”
So, whether you’re in a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, how do you go about it?
“These talks are important to have in a kind manner,” says Patel. “Don’t blindside them, don’t catch them off-guard. It is about helping with the health of each other.”
As Men’s Health Week (June 12-18) begins, here are three common men’s health problems, and advice on how to talk to your partner about them…
Toilet habit changes
Have you noticed that your partner’s toilet habits have altered? Patel says this could include them “having difficulty passing urine, running to the toilet all the time, or getting up a lot in the night” to pee.
This can be very common, particularly as men get older, and it is often linked to the prostate (a small gland, located near the bladder, which helps make semen). An enlarged prostate can affect urination, and while this is usually caused by a harmless condition called benign prostate enlargement (BPE), it can sometimes be a symptom of cancer so it’s important to get it checked out by a doctor. Plus, there are treatments that can help – it isn’t something men need to just live with.
But how do you raise the conversation if someone seems reluctant to talk about it? “I would suggest having an idea in your head of what you want to say. Speak in a private place, where they have not just got back from work or are rushing out,” says Patel, who suggests approaching it by saying: ‘Can we catch up about something that has been on my mind?’
“Keep an even tone, even if you are annoyed you are being kept up at night. This might be a bit embarrassing, signpost that, then discuss how it affects you and explain you are worried about them.”
Erectile dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is very common and often nothing to worry about if it only happens occasionally and there’s an obvious cause. But sometimes it can be more of a frequent problem – and Patel says it’s important for people to be able to talk about it in relationships.
He explains: “It could be a sign of health issues. Perhaps due to anxiety, depression, work, grief, stress, or a health condition” – such as diabetes or a heart problem.
Erectile dysfunction can be a sensitive topic, however. When it comes to discussing it with your partner, Patel suggests: “Pick a good place and time – not after sex. Signpost that it is not a blame thing. Explain that you still enjoy what you do together, but have noticed differences. Ask how he is feeling and whether the problem is something you can work on together. Say what you need to say, but do it kindly.”
Remember, GPs hear about ED all the time and there are lots of effective treatments.
“Many current treatments don’t involve the partner at all; he shuffles off and deals with it, be it through tablets or a pump,” says Patel. “Whereas if you are able to engage with foreplay, you can use something to improve the situation together, such as Eroxon [treatment gel]. The topical nature of the gel means you can get your partner fully involved with some manual stimulation too.”
A lump on their testicles
You are having sex with your partner and come across a lump. Now what?
“Perhaps don’t say there is a lump when you are having sex – bring it up another time soon after, and don’t delay,” suggests Patel. However, he stresses that this “could be an urgent conversation”.
Patel adds: “Maybe it is [a lump] they have known about for years that is nothing to be worried about, but you should ask. Once you have said something, be quiet and give them some time. They could be feeling angry, embarrassed, shocked, or confused about how you might feel. If they say they don’t want to speak to a doctor, try to work out why. Make it clear you are worried.”
A lump doesn’t always mean cancer. However, this is a possibility – testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in men aged between 15-49, according to the NHS – so it’s important to get any unusual lumps and bumps checked out quickly. Testicular cancer be often be successfully treated, but detecting it early does help.
“Sometimes you have to mention cancer to make someone take an issue seriously,” says Patel. “You may want to be kind, but you cannot avoid the fact they might have a problem.”
