Having a family is a blessing. But even the most dedicated and patient parents need some time alone. Wanting at least some privacy and freedom is not a bad thing. It helps you recharge. And it reminds you of who you are as an individual. That’s worth a lot if you’re constantly surrounded by responsibilities to other people, day in and day out.
User u/Kitkatcrusher sparked a lively and honest discussion on r/AskReddit after asking the men of the internet to open up a bit about themselves. They spilled the tea about what it is that they do when their partner and children leave the house. Their answers were illuminating. We’ve collected some of the very best responses, and you can check them out as you scroll down.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral thread u/Kitkatcrusher, as well as parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin from ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ to get their thoughts on balancing private time with parental responsibilities. You’ll find the insights both of them shared with us as you read on!
#1
I don’t speak. I don’t play music. I don’t have the TV on. I sit, in complete silence, reading my phone or whatever, but not having to answer anybody’s questions, not having to listen to anybody. Just complete silence for at least 15 minutes.
Image credits: gaqua
The author of the captivating thread told us how he first came up with the idea to post about the topic online. “I got inspired when my wife decided to go out for an errand and took our twin three-year-old girls with [her] that afternoon. Those times don’t really happen that often, so I really wanted to ask people online what they’d do with the unexpected and surprising time to themselves,” he shared with Bored Panda.
According to u/Kitkatcrusher, there has to be a “give and take” in relationships, where one person takes care of the kids while the other recharges.
“I try taking the kids to the park during the weekends while the wife gets the morning to herself, or I put them to bed while she goes to see friends. She really helps with watching our girls, too, when I want to go do a quick 9-hole round, and I try booking an early tee time and [try to] be done by 9 am to help with the kids,” he opened up to us.
#2
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#3
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“We don’t really have any family in town, and we have to watch our kids all the time, but we try to help each other with raising the girls, and it’s actually easier as time goes on,” the author said.
“I know it’s tempting to complete tasks while the wife and kids go out, but time will be just as well spent if we take it and do something for ourselves…”
Meanwhile, Samantha, the creator of the witty ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ blog, shared her personal thoughts on how partners can support each other when they’re feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities.
“I am through the woods a bit on this because my kids are now 8 and 12, and not babies or toddlers. It’s especially hard to carve out alone time when you have a toddler following you into the bathroom. But I think cutting back on the parent guilt and doing what you have to do to keep your sanity is totally acceptable. Whether that is letting your kid have some extra screen time or putting them in a stroller and browsing Target again,” she told Bored Panda.
#4
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#5
Take five decorative pillows off the bed and put them in the closet til the morning of her return
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#6
I sit and stare at the wall wondering when my entire reason for existing will return, and if they brought me chocolate.
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“Not every second has to be structured craft and playtime. You don’t have to continuously get on the floor with your child just because they are asking. Some of the time, maybe. But not constantly. Parents have needs, too, and it’s important to meet those. If you have a partner to help out, all the better. If they are not too wiped out themselves, maybe they can watch the kids while you go on a walk or do something else you find rejuvenating.”
Samantha pointed out that a brisk walk can be wonderful for mental health. “I am also a proud working mom, and I enjoy my time spent at the office, out working away from my kids.”
She added that there’s no place for parental guilt. “It’s time we kick that guilt to the curb for good. Our kids have needs, but so do we. If we are not feeling good, we’re not at our parenting best anyway. And what even is parenting best? We are all just doing what we can to raise good people. That is more than enough.”
#7
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#8
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#9
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Happy and healthy relationships revolve around open and timely communication. Without honesty, you’re left guessing what your partner might want or need. And most of us have probably learned by now that we don’t have any mind-reading superpowers. Alas!
Not to oversimplify things, but if you need some time to be alone, you need to tell your partner. If you’re exhausted, tell your partner. If you’re saddled with an unfair amount of chores, talk to them. If you feel like you’re going mad because you haven’t left the house in a week and haven’t met any friends for a month—yup, you guessed it—tell your partner how you really feel.
Sure, it might be awkward and embarrassing to admit that you need a bit of ‘time off’ from parenting. You might feel guilty admitting that you also want to do the other things that you love and to meet the other folks in your life you care about. But a parent isn’t just a parent.
#10
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#11
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#12
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The odds are that your partner will be happy to support you… and you should be ready to do the same for them. You could take the kids to the playground, park, or cinema for a few hours and let your partner do whatever they want to do. Or you could keep them occupied at home while the love of your life goes out to socialize a bit outside the house.
The key here is to make your partner feel supported no matter how they choose to spend that time. They can nap, do woodworking, exercise, paint, or read. They can play video games, binge TV shows, joke around with their high school pals, or go on solitary hikes in the woods. They can volunteer, visit museums, or spend their time learning a new language. It doesn’t matter what they do, so long as they’re not made to feel guilty.
#13
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#14
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#15
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The fact is that you can’t take care of others well if you don’t take care of yourself first. If you want to be a capable partner and parent, you need to be healthy: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
If you’re burned out, exhausted, and constantly on edge, how loving of a person do you think you’ll be? You don’t want to end up resenting your nearest and dearest. You owe it to yourself to take care of your health. And part of that means being ‘selfish’ to do some things alone.
We all need to recharge our social batteries from time to time, no matter if we’re extroverts, ambiverts, or introverts. Meanwhile, your kids don’t need to be micromanaged. Let them make some mistakes on their own so they develop some independence and confidence.
#16
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#17
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#18
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Of course, the assumption is that both partners put in the effort to make their relationship and family life work. This means that they’re contributing to the household through a combination of work, housework, childcare, or anything and everything that’s needed, as it’s needed.
You probably won’t find a perfect 50/50 split of chores and childcare in any relationship. What matters is that the division of responsibilities makes sense for the couple. If someone feels like they’re doing most of the work without any appreciation while their partner lazes about, then there’s an issue. But, again, open communication solves that problem.
#19
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#20
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#21
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What do you personally like to do when you’re left alone without your family, dear Pandas? How do you and your partner ask each other for some time to be alone? What do you do to support each other when you’re both feeling overwhelmed?
We’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts on the topic. If you have a spare moment, let us know what you think in the comments.
#22
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#23
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#27
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#31
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