There’s something weird going on with Melania Trump. I know that’s an evergreen statement – but bear with me, OK, because we’ve got a bit of a mystery on our hands. The former first lady, you see, has a memoir coming out on 8 October. There’s nothing particularly surprising about this: every grifter who spent five minutes in the Trump White House seems to have written a tell-all book. It was inevitable she would put pen to paper at some point. After all, if there’s a dollar to be squeezed from something – be that Mother’s Day jewellery, Bibles, steaks or cryptocurrency – you can be sure to find a Trump with their hands out.
What is surprising is how little fanfare there has been around this new book – which is simply titled Melania. Indeed, unless you keep a close eye on the Trumps, you may have missed news of the forthcoming memoir altogether. We’re only a few weeks away from the release date and there hasn’t been a big press tour. This seems bizarre. Presuming Melania wants to sell as many books as possible, you’d have thought she would have spent the last few months doing nonstop PR to drum up preorders. Then again, she may assume there is no need for marketing if the Republican National Committee does what it did with Donald Trump Jr’s “bestselling” book in 2019 and just bulk buys copies.
I’m not saying there has been no PR, of course. There was a press release in July that described the book as “a powerful and inspiring story of a woman who has carved her own path, overcome adversity and defined personal excellence”. It also revealed the cover, which is about as basic as you can get: a black background with MELANIA in white type on it. Although, to be fair, the collector’s edition (a mere $150) is white with black type and comes with a digital collectible. So a little thought went into the design.
Melania also tweeted a simple promotional video to go with the press release, saying, “May your experience reading my book be as enjoyable as the writing process was for me.” Which begs the question: what was her writing process? Did she stay up into the early hours like Rumaan Alam, who smashed out his first novel between 7pm and 2am? Did she emulate Haruki Murakami’s schedule and start writing at 4am every morning? Or is it possible – just throwing it out there – that she might have lounged by a pool and dictated a few stories to a ghostwriting minion? It’s a mystery we might never solve.
The handful of cryptic promotional videos, which have a David Lynch-like quality to them, and brief quotes to Fox News that have followed haven’t shone much light on Melania’s writing process or the contents of the book, although there are a few intriguing titbits. In a 5 September video, for example, Melania says she feels “a responsibility to clarify the facts [and share] the truth”. Then, in a video posted on 10 September, she implies the July assassination attempt on Trump might have been a conspiracy and says: “There is definitely more to this story and we need to uncover the truth.” What she leaves out, alas, is whether her new book uncovers any of this “truth” or whether it’s just a bunch of photos of fancy rugs with fanciful captions. (During the riots on 6 January, Melania was reportedly in the middle of a photoshoot of decorative objects she had amassed at the White House for a rumoured coffee table book.)
The ever hopeful mischief-making part of my mind would like to think that Melania’s memoir contains some exciting truths we haven’t heard before. Some insights into where the proverbial bodies are buried – and why Ivana Trump’s actual body is interred on the former president’s golf course. Perhaps Melania, who is rumoured to hate politics and her husband, has played the long game and her memoir contains an October surprise that will sink Trump’s election chances?
You don’t need to tell me this is all wishful thinking. Rather than any bombshells, one imagines the book contains glossy photos of ugly and incredibly expensive knick-knacks interspersed with self-aggrandising drivel about her charity initiatives. The truth about Trump is out there but it’s not going to be in Melania’s memoir.
• Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist
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