As part of Foster Care Fortnight 2023 the Local Democracy Reporting Service has spoken to incredible carers who have opened their homes - and their hearts - to youngsters needing a safe place to call home.
Host family carers Denice Currie and Paul Kirkby have not looked back since taking in a teenager who arrived in the UK on a dinghy after a perilous journey escaping the Taliban in Afghanistan.
And foster carer Dave Udale strives with his youngsters - despite the sometimes challenging behaviour - not to become "yet another adult who has let them down".
With Denice’s children getting older and having a spare room in their Kinross-shire family home, she and Paul had been looking at schemes for young care leavers when they saw an advert from Perth and Kinross Council (PKC) on Facebook, looking for hosts for young refugees.
They applied and went through a rigorous six-month process of checks and training before welcoming a 17-year-old boy from Afghanistan just a week after they were approved in April 2022.
Denice said: "His family had been targeted and his father killed because of his involvement with the British authorities. He himself has been blinded in one eye and lost a lot of the use of his left arm, which was horrifically injured in the attack. We can’t say too much as obviously there are still risks but if he hadn’t left when he did, he very probably wouldn’t be alive today.”
Denice continued: "There was no safe and legal route for him to get out so he was at the mercy of traffickers during his seven-month journey. He’s not been able to contact his family back home so they don’t even know if he made it and he misses his younger brothers and sisters.
"As a mum myself, I really feel that. He’s shared some details of what happened en route and - quite honestly - it’s beyond most of our imaginations.
"It makes me angry because he’s a legitimate refugee. No child or young person should have to go through what he’s been through.”
Despite everything, Denice describes all the refugees she has met through the PKC scheme as "amazingly resilient".
She said: "They carry their trauma but they carry it quietly. It manifests sometimes in tears and withdrawal – and all you can do is offer a hug."
"They come with such a positive attitude and really want to build a good life for themselves. It’s been great for our kids too. Arwen (20) and Ruben (16) have really welcomed him and it’s made them much more aware of their own privilege. It’s also expanded their interest and understanding of other cultures – although young people aren’t that different wherever they’re from and they’ll all laugh at the same TikTok videos!"
Denice said: "We usually have family games on a Saturday night and it didn’t take him long to pick things up. Within two weeks he was reminding us of the rules!"
And the Afghan youngster has been an exemplary teenager around the house.
Denice said: "He takes responsibility for his own chores and is always keen to help out. He’s been helping Paul re-build a friend’s racing motorbike and has obviously done a great job as it won first time out!
"We’d encourage anyone interested to get involved in the scheme. You get fantastic support from the Council CASA (Children Alone Seeking Asylum) team and - of course - there’s a great network of other carers and we all help each other out. All you need is a spare room, some time and the compassion to want to make a difference. You are, literally, changing someone’s life and you get such a lot back in return."
Dave and his wife Anita applied to Perth and Kinross Council to foster five and half years ago. Both in their 60s, Dave's own two daughters and Anita's son and a daughter - from previous marriages - are grown up and in their 30s. They were keen to foster due to Anita herself having been fostered when she was very young.
Prior to becoming the main foster carer, Dave spent three years as a carer for vulnerable adults in the community but nothing could prepare him for what lay ahead.
He said: "It's been interesting. We've had our moments but we've got a young lad who has been with us about four and a half years.
"He came to us as a nine-year-old with lots of complex needs and issues. But you should see him now - he's an amazing young man. He's really settled down at school, he's doing well, he's calmed right down and he's a delight.
"It's all well and good people saying 'You've done really well' but you can lead a horse to water... It was up to him to embrace what we were trying to do for him and he did. He took those opportunities and he's with us permanently now.
"He still has contact with his mum and sister and enjoys that and knows that he has our full support regarding that and doesn't have to feel he is being disloyal to us. He can be here and part of our family and still have his mum and his sister.
"It took a while for him to settle down but we're there now."
Dave has had youngsters come under his care from as little as two days to permanent placements with seven youngsters - all coincidentally boys - staying with them over the course of the past five and a half years.
This month Dave welcomed two young brothers who he and Anita hope to eventually have permanently.
He said: "We are just getting to know them and let them settle in.
"I was lucky - despite difficulties I had at home - they were always there. I knew who my mum and dad were. I was with my brothers all the time and still have a very loving relationship with my brothers and my mum so I can see the benefits of family life and getting on with family so we can easily bring this to the boys."
However, it has not all been plain sailing with Dave and Anita up against adverse behaviour and reactions.
Dave said: "But you just have to appreciate that life has been difficult for them and it takes a degree of empathy to keep calm and try and work through the problems as best you can really.
"We never wanted to be yet another adult who has let them down. And based on what they have gone through, they are going to take a while to find out where the boundaries are and understand that sometimes you do have to be strict and that we do have to make hard decisions. But it's only ever for their benefit to try and help them along really and so you just have to do your best and work through those difficult moments. And you can't do it on your own."
Dave said they could not have got through it without the support they have had from Perth and Kinross Council's Family Based Care Team.
He said: "Within that agency you have got a massive team of people with help there to support us as well as the children.
"We've had really good supervising social workers and if it wasn't for them I don't know how we would have coped if I am honest with you. It's the team around those social workers and the boys have their own social workers around them. Everybody comes together to help us to help the children. It's fabulous really."
There are also support groups with other foster carers allowing the Udales to meet up with other foster families allowing friendships to form between both the carers and the youngsters.
He said: "We all genuinely help each other and really do feel valued as a team and feel part of that team."
A spokesperson for Perth and Kinross Council said: "We take pride in the support we offer our foster carers and kinship carers. Each foster carer will have a social worker from our Family Based Care team allocated to assess them and take them to the local Fostering and Permanence Panel. Once approved, a supervising social worker will then be allocated as their worker to give them an induction and be in regular contact through visits and phone calls to support and guide them through the processes, practices and emotional impact of caring for children and young people. Each supervising social worker has a “buddy” to support their carers when they are not available, and the senior members of the team are also available for support and guidance. We have a duty worker available as a further point of contact Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm, and the out of hours service outside office hours and on public holidays.
"We hold regular support groups for foster carers so that they can meet other foster carers who also become part of their support network. We have a training calendar which offers training, support and guidance on a variety of topics related to caring for children including, child protection, trauma, first aid and a range of health issues that they may come across. We hold annual events for information and socialising together and separate from their foster children throughout the year as a further means of support.
"Carers are currently allocated annual leave days where other carers can provide short breaks for their children where appropriate, as well as financial support for days out if the carers spend their leave days with the children they care for. Alongside the regular fees and allowances that carers receive, we provide financial help for clothing and/or equipment at the start of a placement and also towards phone bills and some transport costs."
Foster Care Fortnight 2023 began on Monday May 15 with this year's theme for the national event being Fostering Communities.
Staff from Perth and Kinross Council's Family Based Care Team have been running drop-in sessions in Perth and Blairgowrie which continue next week. Anyone interested in finding out more can come along, chat to the team and register their interest:
- Tuesday 23 May, 12pm to 3pm, Tesco, Welton Road, Blairgowrie
- Thursday 25 May, 12pm to 3pm, Dobbies Garden Centre, Crieff Road, Perth
To get in touch with the Family Based Care Team, call 01738 477806 or email ecsfpduty@pkc.gov.uk.
