It’s a good policy to get the unpleasantness out of the way early, and I refer to Nadine Dorries, who last week tweeted: “The PM knocks the fake news being pedalled by Labour front bench MPs on the head.”
Dorries is secretary of state for digital, culture, media and sport. I would have thought that some small element of the cultural bit of her title might include being able to spell properly.
The unpleasantness doesn’t stop there. I received the following from Kay Duggan: “In today’s Scotsman, I read that James Elder of Unicef said, of scenes in Lviv: ‘It’s a relentlessly sad place because it was husbands and wives farewelling each other.’” I have long railed against nouns being turned into verbs, but this takes the biscuit.
To the joys of overheard conversations, this one from my local.
Customer: “I want to come in for lunch on Saturday. Will mussels still be on the menu?”
Waiter: “Yes, madam.”
Customer: “The menu won’t change?”
Waiter: “No, madam.”
Customer: “I couldn’t have them last month, because there wasn’t an R in the month.”
Waiter: “But last month was February.”
Customer: “Exactly!”
Have you read about the cost overrun on the new EastEnders set, currently £27m over budget? They’re having trouble getting the right colour of brick and have had to order some from India, which will be treated by a team of “scenic agers” to make them look older. A scenic ager? If my careers adviser had told me about it, I could be gainfully employed instead of being exasperated by Nadine Dorries.
• Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist
