In the land of pie and mash, Mark Noble was always different gravy.
As an enterprising kid from Canning Town, he used to crawl under the gates to watch his boyhood team at Upton Park for free, the cheeky beggar. But for the last 18 years, he has paid West Ham back for that schoolboy jibbing in blood, sweat and tears – 549 appearances, 62 goals and the captain's armband he's worn like Popeye's bicep.
Noble's last act in front of his adoring cockney flock – a 13-minute cameo from the bench – was to help deliver a kiss of life to the title race. As a tribute to their outgoing captain, the Hammers served up a performance of wonderful gusto. And among his souvenirs from a rollicking send-off which made the fillings in your teeth rattle was a hug from Manchester City messiah Pep Guardiola.
Under gently weeping skies at the Taxpayers Stadium, as Noble dissolved into tears at his farewell appearance in bubble-blowing heartlands, there was scarcely a dry eye in the house. Even if you don't like jellied eels or you don't support West Ham, it's impossible not to admire Noble's loyalty, his leadership, his fundamental decency.
The fans love him because he's one of their own, and for us in the Press leper colony he's been gold dust. Win or lose, where others hid beneath dustbin-lid headphones or pretended to be in deep conversation with the speaking clock on their mobile phones, Noble always fronted up.
Guards of honour are reserved only for legends, so it was fitting that when players and staff lined up to acclaim his contribution, the greatest living Hammer of them all – Sir Trevor Brooking – was on hand with a commemorative shirt.
Few players in the game command more respect than Noble. In troubled times ahead of Project Restart, when useless Cabinet ministers were scolding footballers for sitting on their millions while millions were being furloughed, the Irons captain was a voice of reason. And although he has never played sweeper in his life, Noble was not too posh to leave the visitors' dressing room spotless on an away trip, leading by example with a dustpan and brush.
“When you are a supporter of a club like West Ham, then you go on to play for them, then go on to captain them, I've lived a dream these last two decades,” said Noble. “Retiring will leave a big hole in my life and in my heart, but I know it is the right time to hang up my boots on my own terms.
“Obviously it's been an incredible emotional day for me and my family – and when I say family, I mean 60,000 of you. I hope, in the last 18 years, I've done you proud.”
One-club servants who spend their entire playing careers on a single payroll are an endangered species.
Like fellow West Ham royalty Billy Bonds, it's a joke that he never won an England cap.
Well played, Nobes. What a fine innings.
