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It’s Mario Kart with boats, the wettest and wildest ride of the Olympic Games, a full-on water fight featuring a barrel roll under a limbo stick, played out to a thumping disco soundtrack.
Forget the ripple of polite applause over at the Olympic dressage in Versailles, this pumped-up crowd - basking in the full glare of the afternoon sun - were more Ally Pally at Christmas than summertime in Paris.
Great Britain’s Joe Clarke and Kimberley Woods took silver and bronze as kayak cross made its Olympic debut at Vaires-sur-Marne, but the real winner was the sport.
When the International Olympic Committee talk about engaging a young audience, this is surely what they have in mind.
Four kayakers drop five metres into the foaming rapids using plastic boats and double-bladed paddles that serve two purposes, getting to the bottom quickest and taking out their rivals.
They negotiate upstream and downstream buoys and complete a mandatory kayak roll.
This is a full contact sport too, dodgems for canoes, featuring no points for style. It’s winner-takes-all with a high bar in the risk and reward ratio, as both Clarke and Woods can testify.
Formerly known as extreme slalom, the International Canoe Federation had campaigned for its inclusion at the Games since the format made its debut in 2015.
And they have a hit on their hands and extreme it is. If modern pentathlon is looking to Ninja Warrior for inspiration for the latest iteration of their sport, the officials at the ICF have clearly been watching You Tube videos of It’s a Knockout.
Clarke won slalom gold on his Olympic debut eight years ago but was controversially not selected to defend his title in Tokyo, contemplating walking away from the sport.
Woods has spoken candidly about her difficult relationship with mental health, which has been as choppy as the water she paddles on for as long as she can remember.
Clarke had looked imperious in qualifying but was badly cut up by Germany’s Noah Hegge at the start, needing to summon all his racing smarts to surge from fourth to second, as New Zealand’s Finn Butcher surged clear to take gold.
“I came into this event wanting to win gold and that didn’t happen but I’m not disappointed in any way,” he said, who is one of over 1,000 elite athletes on UK Sport’s National Lottery-funded World Class Programme, allowing them to train full time, have access to the world’s best coaches and benefit from pioneering medical support – which has been vital on their pathway to the Paris 2024 Games.
“A silver medal for Team GB is absolutely massive and I’m very proud of myself and to help the team win two medals in five minutes is huge.
“We’re just getting started here. I obviously missed out in Tokyo which was a big blow, but we’ve bounced back from that, and I’ve got a silver medal round my neck.
“There’s definitely more to come and the enjoyment factor is still there. When that goes then we’ll stop but right now I’m loving life.
“I lot didn’t go my way in that final, which is just what this sport is like. Silver feels like a win with the hand I was dealt in that final.
“I’m biased when I say this, but I think kayaking is the best sport in the world and kayak cross will get kayaking out there to the masses like it needs to do.
“It’s great for TV and there’s lots of things we can do to propel that and get more bottoms in boats and make the sport bigger. It was an absolute spectacle, if you were watching on TV, you’d have given anything to be here.”
Woods had already won bronze in the women’s canoe slalom and made a storming start to her final, having looked unstoppable during qualifying.
She dropped in first and raced into an early lead. But the tide turned against her, and she went from first to fourth, crossing the line devastated only to learn Germany’s Elena Lilik had committed a penalty.
“This event has had its ups and downs, but I think it’s here to stay now, there was no watching that here or at home who wouldn’t have loved it,” she said.
“Some of the more traditional voices have called it silly but I think it’s incredible. The atmosphere was insane, and I enjoyed every single minute of it.
“I was way more emotional about the medal I got last week but it’ll come together when I’m wearing both around my neck later on.
“The whole journey I’ve been on in the last ten years has been tough, it’s been up and down. Anyone who does sport at this level has bumps in the road so I’m really proud of who I’ve been at this Olympics.”
Clarke and Woods both insisted they benefited from the installation of a big drop in ramp at their Lea Valley training base, made possible by National Lottery funding.
Woods also insisted she had no regrets about going for a late move against Australia’s eventual gold medallist Noemie Fox.
“I was never going to play it safe, especially in an Olympic final,” she said. “This happens once every four years and you never know whether this will be your last chance, I want to have no regrets.
“I’m a brave person and I wanted to showcase that. I just got a bit tangled and couldn’t get the pole around my head. I thought maybe I could get silver, but those girls really fought top to bottom.”
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