I have been sitting next to ABC treasure Geraldine Doogue for years. At Radio National we work wildly different hours but whenever we're in the office at the same time we invariably end up parking ourselves for a chat.
Geraldine has boundless curiosity for others so when she asked me to do an episode of her Sacred Space series for Compass, how could I refuse? I admire her enormously. At first, though, I was unsure whether I even had a space that could be considered sacred.
Eventually, I chose my kitchen — it's the place I feel most creative. And it's a kind of creativity that's entirely different from the one I draw on in my day job. But it hasn't always felt so positive: there was a time not so long ago when my kitchen was a place of conflict.
I love the work I do in journalism, radio and TV but my kitchen gives me something else. There's something really meditative about staring at a fridge and trying to concoct a meal for friends, or something that kids will actually eat. For me the kitchen is a calming place.
I also like that cooking is an act I can do for other people. If I'm cooking for myself, the process is generally not very interesting but cooking for other people feels like a gift.
Losing my religion
When I was a kid, the kitchen was the place where things happened. It's where life was. I'd sit at the kitchen table and watch food and memories being made.
My mum is from Singapore, and I spent many childhood summers there. I have fond memories of sitting in my grandmother's house while she prepared entire meals squatting in the corner of a concrete kitchen. There was a rhythm to how she pounded spices into brutal submission with a mortar and pestle.
One reason Geraldine and I get on so well is that we are very different. But there are also tiny patches of overlap. Geraldine has always been open about what her faith means to her. Me? I'm a religious escapee.
I was raised in a series of evangelical churches. But I fled when it all started to feel empty. I firmly believe that if faith helps you make sense of your world and you're not hurting anyone else, then more power to you.
But for me, faith morphed into something uncomfortable and inauthentic. I remember standing in one of those mega-churches as a teenager and feeling utterly hollow. When I share this with Geraldine in my kitchen, I think I've upset her.
I'll always think of myself as a fat kid
We cover lots of ground in the episode, in my scared space. We discuss the ABC documentary series I hosted last year, The School That Tried to End Racism. The series raised some huge, emotional issues for me.
Growing up in Australia, I never really felt like I belonged. Our conversation about race in this country seems to escalate quickly from a whisper to a yell — there is no space in between. We don't really know how to talk about it honestly, with nuance.
But doing the series taught me that kids do know how to talk about racism — that with the right approach, it's a solvable problem.
As I'm cooking, Geraldine asks me about my relationship with food. I will probably always think of myself as a fat kid.
I tend to view food and eating as a kind of war. In the past, when I opened the fridge I felt I had to decide if I was going to win the war and put each ingredient back, or relent and eat.
As I've grown older, though, my relationship with food has got a lot better. In part it's been about recognising that bodies are not static things. They expand and contract over time. There is no final form and there is no moral failure in eating.
But it's also because I've learned to embrace the home kitchen as a place of creativity, not a place of conflict.
I want to make sure that the Australia my kids inherit is fairer, more equal and more interesting than the Australia I grew up in. Maybe that's what every parent hopes for. The world you leave your children should be a gift, not a poison chalice; you should be giving them something better than what you got.
At least, that's how I see my role as a custodian. As for whether or not I succeed, come back and ask me in a few years.
Watch Sacred Space with Marc Fennell on ABC iview. Originally on Sunday March 13 at 7:30pm on ABC TV Plus; repeat Sunday March 20 at 6:30pm on ABC TV.
