A man took to Mumsnet to see how he could resolve a wedding dispute with his family and fiancée. He sought advice after his soon-to-be wife claimed that his mother ruined their "dream" child-free wedding, but commenters told him to leave her instead.
On a Mumsnet thread, he wrote: "I'm getting married in five months and my fiancée hates my family, it’s ruining everything. We had a dream wedding planned since we were young in Portugal. When we expressed - to my family - the plans and that our wedding is going to be 'child-free', all hell broke loose. My mother said she was not coming, and my other family members said I was silly and stupid and should rethink as my brother and two sisters have really young kids, all under three."
The soon-to-be husband explained that he offered to pay for people to look after the children for the day, but it "fell on deaf ears" - and now they have decided to marry abroad alone and have a UK party for the family. However, he shared that his fiancée is angry and feels that his mum ruined their dream wedding.
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He said that he feels like "a punching bag for everyone" and added: "If I speak to my family, my partner gets angry as it’s always wedding related - if I don’t speak to my family, the relationship gets worse. My partner now hates me speaking to my family, wants to know every conversation I have with them even if it’s on the phone I have to explain what was said."
He added that his mother is still trying to feel involved in their wedding, which infuriates his partner. He explained that it's come to the point that she wants to know about every text he receives from them and banned his mum from talking about the wedding, even to him.
He continued: "It has gotten to a really low point and I have no idea what to do as I am now stuck in the middle, does my partner need to calm down and realise I could lose all my family over this and work together to sort it, or do my family need to back off and realise they have ruined everything and give us space for now."
Many Mumsnet users were quick to respond and warned the man that his fiancée was displaying controlling behaviour. One said: "For the love of god, dump her. The control she is showing is off the scale and not proportional to the argument. It seems that she is trying to isolate you from your family and this will only get worse." Another added: "She sounds very controlling and you risk losing your family because this will isolate you."
One commented: "Your wife to me sounds like an absolute nightmare and pure bridezilla. Surely this is not the first time she has showed her true colours to you? I'd be rethinking the relationship in its entirety. A child free wedding (abroad, no less) when you have siblings with kids under three, ridiculous. "
Another woman said: "Your family will still be your family after your divorce". Another agreed, commenting: "Yup .... this. Don't worry, your family will have your back one day when you wake up and realise what a total nightmare your marriage is. On the offchance that you decide to listen now though - run. Ditch your fiance, she will ruin your self esteem and the next ten years of your life."
However, some people agreed with the fiancée and said they would be upset too. One person commented: "Whose decision was it to change your plan? It sounds like you should have stuck to Portugal and they could feel their feelings, either come if they wanted or not. Maybe your partner feels you’ve put them and their feelings over hers and that’s why she’s unhappy- I would be too; you need to support her as your future wife."
Meanwhile, another person added: "I'm going to go against the grain and say I don't blame your fiancee at all for being extremely upset that the dream wedding she's always envisaged has been cancelled because your family threw their toys out of the pram and stamped their collective feet until they got their own way. Presumably none of her family will be present at the scaled back ceremony abroad now and everyone's just attending the UK party so no one's left out? I appreciate that child-free weddings are a pain for some, but it was what YOU wanted! Your family have behaved like spoiled brats, frankly – they've totally bullied you into doing what they want.
"That said, her anger isn't helping and she is starting to sound very controlling in wanting to monitor your texts. But again, I don't blame her in getting frustrated that your mum is suddenly all over the UK party like a rash when it's not the wedding celebration SHE wants or dreamt of. I think I'd be livid and struggling to contain my feelings too. I don't know how you salvage this, short of cancelling the UK party and reverting to plan A. I feel so sorry for you caught in the middle."
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