We now live in a more progressive society where there is less stigma on a person’s chosen sexual orientation. However, homosexuality remains a complicated topic when put into the context of marriage.
What do you do if your spouse could possibly be gay or bisexual? This is an issue a woman had been dealing with since her husband expressed his desire to go on a “gaycation.” He was defensive in his response when she tried to clarify his sexual preference, which ultimately put their relationship in shambles.
The woman now asks the Reddit community for advice on handling her situation. Scroll down to read the entire text and reader reactions.
Having a homosexual spouse could complicate the relationship
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This woman suspects her husband is at least bisexual due to his adamance to go on a “gaycation”
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She refused, but he didn’t take it lightly
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The woman ultimately decided that her marriage was “dead”
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Mixed-orientation marriages may not end in divorce, but they may impact the family dynamic
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Not all mixed-orientation marriages end badly, especially if the couple can work things out. However, as the story shows, these situations can significantly affect family dynamics.
It creates a complicated scenario, as shared by the author, who has two teenage sons with her husband. According to licensed therapist Dr. Joe Kort, the situation only gets more difficult.
“His gayness may surface more strongly and become more of an identity for him and thus become an issue in their marriage,” Dr. Kort wrote in an article for Psychology Today, referring to relationships between heterosexual women and homosexual men.
In the story, the burden seems to lie heavier on the man, who is likely confused about his sexual orientation and does not know how to address it. Dr. Kort says it is often the case among other closeted gay men who are married to women.
“He most likely interpreted his gay interests as sexual ‘kinks,’ and he convinced himself they would fade away after he married,” he wrote.
Schoenberg Family Law Group brought up a study revealing that couples don’t necessarily fall out of love with each other even if one of them comes out or shows signs of homosexuality.
According to Dr. Kort, deep feelings of love do not fade quickly. He noted that “love can conquer (but not change) orientation,” which the woman can also consider before making a final decision on her marriage.
Couples in mixed-orientation marriages must find what works best for the situation
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The author’s heartbreak from her marriage potentially ending is understandable, but it is not over yet. The relationship may never be the same again, but the couple can still move past this stormy chapter of their lives.
Dr. Kort says determining where they see themselves heading is the next and most difficult part. Are they keeping their marriage traditional, anchored on monogamy? Or will they explore having an open relationship?
These heavy conversations require time and effort to resolve, so experts like author and therapist Laura Silverstein advise taking things slowly and having fun in the process.
“Go to your favorite places, enjoy your favorite dates, and let life go on simultaneously,” Silverstein wrote in an article for The Gottman Institute.
Silverstein echoes Dr. Kort’s sentiments on honesty, but she focuses more on the self. She points out that forcing yourself to believe something untrue to keep the person you love wouldn’t work.
“Try not to let that fear block you from speaking your own truth,” she advises.
The author is in a complicated situation, and her best option at the moment is to find a compromise that works for everyone involved.
Readers had their questions and offered their theories
Others offered their suggestions and advice
