Most relationships do involve some give-and-take, compromises and adjustments we make for each other. That being said, there is a pretty clear and normal difference between asking your partner to take care of themselves and handing them a catalog of major changes you need them to suddenly make.
A woman went viral on social media after sharing her story of an ex who gave her a long and bizarre list of demands for things he wanted her to change about her appearance. People in the comments and replies shared their stories and thoughts.
Learning your partner wants you to change your entire look can be shocking
So one woman shared all the things her now-ex decided he wanted her to do
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Compromise is one thing, but setting “rules” about your partner’s appearance is too far
It should go without saying that your partner suddenly making demands about your appearance is a red flag. Everyone has preferences and there can be deal breakers, but, as the woman mentioned in this story, there comes a time when you have to legitimately ask “do you even love me if you want all these things to change?”
Many people have been in a situation where they make some adjustments when meeting a partner’s family for the first time, it comes with the territory. On the face of it, getting a fair warning of what they are expecting is good, however, it truly does appear that this man was using it as cover for his own preferences.
For example, telling your partner to get a pedicure to meet your parents is simply bizarre at best. While family dynamics can be complicated, it’s quite telling that he did not have her back at all. Instead of being willing to “defend” her or stand up for her, his best plan was to just demand she make a bunch of changes.
It’s important to also look at the vocabulary he used, as it’s quite revealing about what he believes. Insulting her current looks and using his “families preferences” as a shield is both manipulative and cowardly. The woman was absolutely in the right to ask if he even likes her at all in the first place.
She made the right call to dump this guy
His reaction is also just as telling. If his family (and not him) were so demanding, he would at least understand why she would refuse. Instead, he starts making broad proclamations about what all men would want, despite the fact that he ostensibly was dating her at the time. If you have high standards, you should probably just date someone that fits what you want, not force them into a specific mold.
It’s truly pathetic that he would then spend weeks calling and texting a woman that, based on his own words, didn’t meet the standards he had in his head. Setting aside the fact that you can’t just make sweeping demands about your partner, refusing to accept that they have broken up with you is just bizarre.
Unfortunately, this reveals an underlying issue where some men believe they have the right to make these sorts of decisions. The ex’s wording is important here, he talked about looking “traditional” which, apparently included changing her hair, manicures, pedicures and no bright colors.
Truthfully, as many commenters noted, she really did dodge a bullet. Liking someone also means respecting their wishes, indeed, it’s hard to imagine a good relationship without a modicum of respect. He clearly doesn’t have any for or, nor for himself, as he kept pursuing a woman who dumped him.
Many readers agreed that she was right to leave him
A few somehow took her story as a personal attack
