Almost all relationships fluctuate, and romantic relationships aren’t an exception. You might feel like you’re a thousand miles away from your partner emotionally one day. Then, the next, you’re back to being like two peas in a pod.
But what if your partner drops a bomb on you and says they never wanted to be in the relationship in the first place? That’s what happened to this woman. When she got blindsided by her boyfriend, she couldn’t make sense of the situation. So, she decided to ask the Internet for advice.
Ideally, both people in a relationship should want to be together
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo)
But this man told his GF he felt ‘forced’ to confess his feelings and be in a relationship for four years
Image credits: Darya Ezerskaya / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Becca Correia / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: plutodevoteee
People tend to stay in unhappy relationships because they see it as more beneficial than being single
Knowing when to walk away from a relationship can be tricky. In some cases, it might just be normal, regular doubts many people in romantic relationships have. In other cases, it’s beneficial to think your relationship through and examine whether you’re truly happy in it.
In 2015, law firm Slater & Gordon commissioned a study about how happy people feel in their marriages. 20% of respondents said they feel “trapped,” and 15% admitted they wished they had married someone else. This shows people have a worrying tendency to stay in relationships even when they’re not happy.
Clinical Psychologist Sally Austen explained to The Independent that people stay in loveless relationships because they’ve jotted down the pros and the cons and decided that staying is more beneficial.
“It’s often because their cost-benefit analysis indicates that by leaving, they may be worse off. What constitutes the ‘cost’ and ‘benefit’ will depend on the individual and could range from housing and financial stability to physical safety and social circumstances.”
For some people, being single and alone sucks, so they stay in a relationship out of convenience. As one commenter pointed out, the boyfriend in this story probably stayed because he got regular sex, shared rent, and had fun at home or social gatherings.
When the relationship started moving toward something more serious, he might’ve started questioning whether he was happy and if that’s how he wanted the rest of his life to be.
There’s a nice and gentle way to break up with someone without insulting their dignity
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo)
When you’re unhappy in a relationship, the least you can do is let your partner down gently. Accusations of things such as manipulation only worsen the whole ordeal and build resentment. Don’t think amicable breakups are a thing? Some experts would like to argue otherwise.
Anabelle Bernard Fournier, researcher of sexual and reproductive health, writes for VeryWell Health that there’s a kind and compassionate way to break up with someone. The best way to do it, according to her and other mental health experts, is to prepare for a tough face-to-face conversation.
Fournier recommends avoiding blaming or shaming your partner during a breakup. Being able to show empathy in such a situation demonstrates emotional intelligence. So, starting arguments and bringing up past grievances is generally a no-no.
On the other hand, the other person’s feelings are no longer your responsibility. That’s why making the other person feel better shouldn’t be a priority. Joanne Wilson, a relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist, explained to Vice why putting yourself first is important. “If you don’t want to be with someone then you don’t have to be with them. Take the time you need to forgive yourself and do what’s best for you.”
However, do let your partner know why you’re breaking up with them. Not with too many details but enough to preserve your partner’s self-esteem and dignity. The “it’s not you, it’s me” cliche is best left unsaid.
Rebecca Hendrix, L.M.F.T, explained to Glamour that it’s best to use “I” statements during a breakup. “It’s you who has decided that the relationship is not a good fit and it’s you that has decided to leave the relationship. So the healthiest way is to take responsibility for your feelings using ‘I’ words versus ‘You don’t really like my family’ or ‘You don’t like to go out as much as I do.'”
People offered all sorts of advice: some said to dump him, and others tried to look at the situation from his perspective
