Setting boundaries is important, but not always easy; especially when it comes to family. For some people, being strict with those of their kin often proves to be harder than it seems.
Take this redditor, for instance. After having addressed the ‘Entitled People’ subreddit, sharing the story of how her brother organized a pool party at her place without even asking first, the netizen came to a realization that she might have to work on setting boundaries with family members. Scroll down for the full story below.
Setting boundaries for family members is not always easy
Image credits: Image-Source / Envato (not the actual photo)
This redditor’s brother organized a pool party at her place without even asking her first
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: wa_geng
Quite a few people have found themselves estranged from family members for one reason or another
Family relationships can be pretty difficult to navigate. Even when family members are close, it’s not only love and fondness that they experience, but dealing with obligations—among other things—too, which tends to be accompanied by a certain kind of guilt; when you haven’t visited your grandmother in three months, for instance, or haven’t called to check on your sister in a while, either.
The redditor admitted that her relationship with the family wasn’t always smooth sailing, as for roughly two decades she stayed in low contact with them. Unfortunately, minimizing or cutting contact with family members is arguably more common than you might think – the first national survey on family estrangement in the US, conducted by Cornell University, found that as much as 27% of people were suffering an estrangement at the time of the study.
Be that as it may, the redditor decided to give the relationship another go, as she wanted to be part of their family’s life as her parents were growing older and her nieces and nephews were growing up. But wanting to make up for the time lost due to low contact—arguably combined with worry over her brother’s mental health—made her, in her own words, “a complete doormat”.
Setting healthy boundaries can help foster certain complex relationships
One possible way of stopping things from escalating to a ‘doormat’ kind of situation is working on setting clear boundaries. While that might be easier said than done, it can arguably really help when dealing with complex relationships, be it with family, friends, or someone else.
Defining boundaries as “a promise you make to yourself to take care of your own needs while interacting in your relationships,” licensed marriage and family therapist Angela Sitka pointed out that they can help feel more in control in a certain situation or more comfortable in a certain relationship.
“It really helps develop the kinds of relationships where you can enjoy people’s presence more and be present in the moment with them,” Sitka told TIME magazine. “A lot of us have these events where we see family—and we either don’t want to or can’t cut them off—so at least we can enjoy it a bit more if we feel in control of the situation.”
According to Sitka, boundaries are “a standard you’re setting to describe how you want to be treated—and you can respect that promise by taking action any time there’s a violation and your well-being is at risk.” The redditor shared that the netizens’ response to her post made her re-evaluate the boundaries—or lack thereof—she has with her family members. In the comments under the post, where fellow redditors shared their opinions, she said that she has sent a family-wide text, arguably saying that the house is no longer open to “come over, just let me know”. Oh, and the OP also added that she made her brother do chores to make up for the unauthorized pool party.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, the OP replied to some of them
