Once, my therapist told me that relationships have a higher chance of working well when they are based on truths. Even a single lie can maim it forever, and sometimes, nothing can fix what’s broken, not even love itself.
The original poster (OP) is engaged to her boyfriend, but she recently found out that he is still legally married to his wife. When she confronted him, he claimed that he “forgot” about it, which completely horrified her. After she vented online, folks couldn’t help but point out that this was all a big red flag!
More info: Mumsnet
Relationships built on lies barely have a chance of surviving because nobody likes being lied to
The poster has been with her fiance for 4 years but recently found out that he is still married to his wife
Image credits: limewonder
He split with his wife 9 years ago, but they never really sorted out the divorce
Image credits: limewonder
When she confronted him about it, he claimed that he “forgot” about it, and now she is confused
Today, we dive into a very strange tale that even confused netizens as they wondered what the poster’s husband was playing. The couple has been together for 4 years and are currently engaged, but now the foundation of their relationship is quite shaky because OP found out that he is still married.
Apparently, he split with his wife 9 years ago, but they never really sorted out the divorce, and although OP has met his wife a few times, neither of them mentioned this to her. In fact, if it weren’t for his ex-girlfriend, who saw their engagement picture and told the poster about this, she never would have found out.
When she confronted him about it, the fellow claimed that he “forgot” about it, so OP gave him an ultimatum—either he divorce her or they were over. The poster is so shocked by the whole thing, as she just can’t figure out what his plan really is if they do get married. Struggling with the situation, she vented online and sought advice from netizens.
Well, they were equally baffled by the situation and had a lot of questions. Folks wondered why his wife or children never mentioned this to her, and she clarified that his wife recently found out about their engagement. As for the kids, she thinks that they were young when the couple broke up, so they might not remember.
To get a deeper understanding of trust in relationships, Bored Panda interviewed Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor. She claimed that discovering a long-term partner is still legally married can have extensive emotional and psychological effects, often triggering feelings of betrayal, anger, confusion, and insecurity.
She explained that if the deception was intentional, it raises concerns about trust and integrity, but if it was avoidance-based, it may indicate difficulty in facing responsibility. Either way, the discovery often leads to feelings of betrayal, and rebuilding trust requires honesty, accountability, and clear actions moving forward, she added.
“If the couple previously had a strong, open communication style, this revelation could cause one or both partners to shut down emotionally or become defensive. Arguments may become more frequent, centering around blame, responsibility, and the meaning of honesty in their relationship,” she noted.
Prof. Lobo stressed that such instances jeopardize the relationship, often hurting everyone involved in the situation. She claimed that if the couple does move forward with their relationship, therapy might help the two, but it might be quite challenging to overcome the break in trust because some couples never really get past it.
“The relationship may survive if the married partner takes full accountability, commits to legal and emotional closure, and actively rebuilds trust. However, if they continue to minimize or evade responsibility, the relationship may become too damaged to repair. Ultimately, the non-married partner must decide whether they feel safe and valued enough to continue,” our expert concluded.
People online were also quick to point out that the guy was a red flag for hiding or lying about such a massive thing. They said that forgetting about it was actually his way of trying to manipulate her. Many advised that it would be wise if she ended things as they couldn’t see how she could trust him after that.
If you were in her shoes, what would you do? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Folks online sensed big red flags and many even advised her to end things with her lying fiance
