MAFS Recap: Disney Daddy Throws In The Clean-Up Towel After Feeling Like A Disposable Dildo

Married At First Sight recap time. I hope your brain is just as smushed as mine after two whole weeks of MAFS 2023.

Alright, straight out of the gate there is drama. A bunch of the MAFS cast

Adam Claire Jesse

in case you forgot, women using phones was another ick of mine

Janelle Ollie

woman, Berocca first, grill later

“There’s a part of me that absolutely likes Claire to the point where I’m going to get jealous if I think a dude’s trying to slide on in there,” Jesse tells the producers and I’m sorry, wot?

now

oki maybe my ass can live another day

They argue for a bit and then Jesse apologises on his way out because he thinks their relationship is a lost cause. He also thinks Claire lacks empathy which is fucking rich given how understanding she has been about his entire way of existing.

The next part of this week’s punishment is that the couples are being asked to hand over their phones. As if the producers didn’t see what happened at 1AM last night and quickly adapted the script.

Alyssa

i am the blue Powerpuff

Alyssa and Prince Eric (Duncan) are boring as usual, with nothing of interest in their phones. I thought there might have been something horny from Alyssa’s Man Of Honour, Brad, in the phone but even he didn’t deliver. The only thing worth reporting is this hold of the thigh:

higher, sis

y did i send that dick pic. WHYYY

doll, that’s sexism

did i just get played?

Shannon Caitlin Shannon’s declaration of love for his ex Shannon said to Caitlin during the ranking task

ur loss buddy boi

love

i am a turd who lacks mental clairty

Melissa Josh

dear melissa, my dick is scared

my vagina is offended by that

hugs for daddy

50 First Dates

but y u going home alone doll

o shit

as we remember

heaven to betsey, Melissa!

one dickless day is all i ask

nice things about Disney Daddy on the wedding night Bronte Harrison

that can’t just be Olaplex

inside

can i buy a decent personality from Bunnings?

can u ever just be whelmed???

I will read Merriam-Webster after Pornhub, ty

Dan Sandy I know they don’t end up together MAFS

have u seen my disney collection

i have been scared to say fuck until now in case my wife sees that as an invitation

FUCK FUCK FUCKETY FUCK!!!!!

THIS IS BOOSHIT

listen here Mr Conservative Guy

honey sex is not an ornament

mummy need dicky

MAFS Lyndall Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer who will be suffering through the pain of MAFS 2023 with you. You can follow her here. Want more MAFS tea? Get around our MAFS podcast below:

The post MAFS Recap: Disney Daddy Throws In The Clean-Up Towel After Feeling Like A Disposable Dildo appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .

went to the pub where Crypto Bro () and were apparently being super flirty. Then, according to , Claire was on the phone to Adam, but when Jesse asked who it was, she pulled her phone away. Then Jesse banged on Adam’s door and demanded to see his phone, telling that she’s with a snake before he walked off. This all happened around 1AM (when things feel much more dramatic than they actually are). was listening to a podcast when the incident occurred proving that he truly is 26 since he’s not asleep by 9pm. Adam thinks the whole thing is bullshit. “I’m sure she fancies me more than she fancies him,” Adam jokingly tells Janelle, who is pretty unfazed by the whole thing. (Side note: It’s clear Adam has been in the UK because he says things like “fancies”). In another suite, Claire is schooling her husband for his behaviour last night. I can’t think of dealing with anything worse when I’m acutely hungover. Interesting that he likes her. Now that someone else does. Two minutes ago he was asking the universe to kill his ass just because he was in her presence? Men! That is an interesting hairstyle choice from . Janelle and Adam! Please have a sexy message to Claire amongst the boring Crypto shit. I mean, I love Janelle and don’t want her to get “cheated” on, but I also need the entertainment. Gimme. Janelle’s fine with this task because she’s got nothing to hide, but Adam? Adam’s shitting bricks. He says that Jesse was acting like a “jealous ex-girlfriend” last night based off needing to look at Adam’s phone and honey, no. Why does the crazy ex reference need to be a woman? Janelle chooses to trust Adam and he played that PERFECTLY, didn’t he? I’ve never seen him look so happy TBH. Over at and ‘s apartment, it’s the aftermath of . And whatever the fucking fuck it was that . She’s feeling “emotionally detached” and says she’s glad she never slept with him. Word. Shannon says he was keeping his ex “on the fence” in case things didn’t work out with Caitlin. Wow. Now he wants to give the experiment his all? Are we all forgetting that he’s still in with his ex? Huh? Anyone? Time for the confessions of Horny Mum () and Disney Daddy (). This should be interesting. Or horny. Disney Daddy starts off by telling Horny Mum that he had hoped for more opportunities to have deeper conversations, which I’m deciding is translation for “if you stopped trying to touch my dick for just one second, we could actually bond emotionally”. He goes on to talk about the breakdown of his marriage and the identity crisis that came with that. “Sometimes, I’m lonely,” he tells her and heavens, why am I crying? If you have a parent who is separated from their partner — whether that’s by distance, divorce or death — this really hits home. No one wants to see mum or dad feeling so alone. “You have to be strong for your kids. So when your kids aren’t around it’s hard to maintain that same level of strength,” he cries to the producers. My heart is breaaaaaking. He says dating for him is like where you date over and over again and end up going home by yourself. I feel that. Horny Mum says nothing in response to Disney Daddy’s confession, which, understandably, upsets him, and jumps to her letter. The crazy music is playing now so needless to say, I’m mentally preparing for a whole bunch of penetration chat. We had about 0.5 seconds of dickless conversation before Horny Mum brought up sex. Her last marriage was sexless and loveless so she doesn’t want that again. We can pretend this is a nothing confession, which Josh seems to think it is by the look on his face, but if sex is important for you in a relationship — to feel affection and intimacy — that’s completely warranted. She’s telling Disney Daddy that he ticks all her boxes in the bedroom and my god the man is uncomfortable. The next task is to look back at first impressions and holy shit, someone run Disney Daddy a nice hot bath. He’s gunna need it. Disney Daddy, , said very lovely things about his new wife upon seeing her for the first time. Mel’s happy upon seeing his comments from that day. Next they show the footage where Horny Mum said, “He looks like the boy next door… but I think he could be a freak in the sheets too.” Disney Daddy’s response is everything I hoped for and more: “Oh I hope Josh has a big hammer,” she says in the next part, continuing to hypothesise about his dick size in the snippets following. I feel very uncomfortable. If I saw a video of my partner predicting how he thought my vagina might look, I would not only vomit and dump his ass immediately, I’d be livid. “Now I can’t quite shake that I’m just seen as a sex object here,” he tells the camera. Horny Mum did say so many — I hope he gets a chance to see those later on. Moving on. has called Bunnings Daddy () to invite him to move back in. Rather than being happy he’s going on some “told ya so” tangent. Whatever, I need to know what hair products this woman uses. She tells him that she wants to find out if they like each other on the . One shit relationship down, one to go. Oh look, Jesse and Claire. Jesse is attempting to explain the way Claire made him feel while also showcasing his extensive vocabulary. Emotions he’s feeling include “dejected” and “inconsidered” among other words that may or may not actually be found in the dictionary. Jesse also attacks Claire’s “communication” and “listening skills”. Claire wants to get in front of the experts, stat, but Jesse thinks that they’ll only be able to plug holes in this sinking ship that is their relationship. There is the “five-year-plan” task and I hate this already. First up is and , who I had completely forgotten about because . There is nothing exciting to report as I imagine producers quickly edited most of their relationship out in response to the spoilers. Horny Mum has put “healthy sex life” in her five-year plan. She thinks Disney Daddy is shocked by that even though he is using his indoor voice and just asking questions? Honestly, the man appears to have one tone and one volume level. I’m starting to wonder if he knows how to express things like shock and anger. Horny Mum keeps demanding that her life has heaps of sex in it and if Disney Daddy can’t meet those needs, he can get fucked. Why did this escalate so quickly? Perhaps a slow build before this eruption. Disney Daddy feels uncomfortable and “ambushed” and I feel really bad for him. Why? Because words like “keep up” were used and he’s being made to feel inadequate if he doesn’t fuck her for morning, lunch and dinner. Like less of a man, I dare say. Horny Mum feels judged, which is also fair. Of course women should be able to express their sexual desires and not feel shame about that, but, by the same token, if you don’t want to have sex 24/7, you should be shame-free about that too. But you wouldn’t give a dildo to a nun, so why did the experts put these two together? Disney Daddy’s come over to chat to Horny Mum and she jumps right in to accuse him of being on to try and find a friend / roommate. “If I’m not having sex with you, I don’t feel like I’m getting anything else from you,” she tells him. Um, no matter which way you spin it, that’s a fucked thing to say. He is rattled. Fair. “You know what? I’m fucking absolutely out of my mind angry!” Disney Daddy tells producers. I love this! He has cracked. Show us how you really feel, Daddy! “I am a man and I am not a fucking disposable sex toy. I didn’t come here to meet someone, to just fuck them all the time. If I wanted to do that, there’s dating apps for that,” he continues. AH-MAZE-ING. KEEP GOING. “I came here to meet someone. She did not come here to meet someone! She came here to just fuck all the time!” I love it when people are nice-presenting and they snap. Don’t get me wrong, Disney Daddy can obviously share his mind and still be nice, but fuck, it’s good to see him stop bottling it up and letting it out for once. I also love watching nice people swear. It’s like seeing a school teacher snort a line. “And it fucked me off royally that she keeps driving this narrative of like, ‘Hey I’m this Mr Conservative Guy — no, I’m not.’ When I’m in private, I will behave in a manner that is appropriate for husband and wife!” Meow!!! The blend of profanities with terms like “a manner that is appropriate” is both unnatural and a joy to witness. “The sexual thing is really for you to work out, it’s not for me,” Disney Daddy tells Horny Mum, saying that it’s a defining personality trait for her. She says it’s not, it’s just in her Top Five priorities. Her cup is not full — it’s hurt and empty. Cup means soul, right? Oh my god she doesn’t even know what her husband does for work. That’s cooked. He confirms she’s never asked. “Unless I’m servicing her needs, there’s no needs,” Disney Daddy says. She’s putting the sex somewhere on the coffee table because she feels like shit about not knowing what he wants. She’s going to tap him tonight before bed but he’d prefer that she didn’t. Well if she wasn’t sexually frustrated before, this sure will do it, because he would appreciate it if she kept her hands to herself. Yikes. Sunday is the first Commitment Ceremony and has something to say? Interesting!