No doubt I speak for every woman on Earth when I say this: thank you, Mars! When I was a little girl I felt as if I could never be my authentic self because of the way the green M&M mascot used to dress. Every time I saw her tottering around in advertisements wearing white go-go boots and fluttering her long eyelashes, a little part of me would die inside. Although young, I recognised something profound: women would only be free when multinationals allowed anthropomorphised chocolate to wear sensible shoes.
At long last, that time has come. Last week, Mars Wrigley, the international purveyor of sugary goods, announced that it was revamping (or, rather, de-vamping) its six M&M characters to promote inclusivity. Most notably: the green one is switching out boots for trainers and the brown one is swapping stilettos for kitten heels. It is kind of questionable that they are still forcing the brown one into heels of any kind if you ask me. Nevertheless, it is still a massive step forward for feminism.
Alas, Fox News is not quite so enthusiastic about the fact that chocolate characters that nobody with more than one brain cell gives a damn about are updating their footwear. “M&Ms will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous,” Fox host Tucker Carlson recently railed. “Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity.”
Yikes, ladies! We were supposed to keep that part of the 2022 feminist agenda secret. Who let Carlson in on the strategy? Still, since we are showing our hand here, let me warn conservatives that fem&minism is just the beginning of the corporate inclusivity revolution. We are not going to rest until Tony the Tiger comes out as non-binary. They’re brrrrrrrave!
Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist
