Lorde has hinted that she’s split from boyfriend Justin Warren in an emotional newsletter she penned to fans.
In the candid newsletter, titled, “how I’ve been, revised,” Lorde shared with subscribers a heartfelt update on her health and the changes within her love life. Lorde - whose real name is Ella Yelich-O’Connor - began her emotional letter by revealing that there was another draft of the letter that she had written, but said that she “didn’t tell the truth.” Instead of releasing the filtered first draft, Lorde decided to “type and not look back, and send what comes out.”
The “Solar Power” singer admitted that she has been living in London since May but was “starting to miss my friends and family, like a vitamin I’m deficient in.” She went on to reveal that she “soon” plans on going back to New York, before returning “home.”
“I’m living with heartbreak again,” Lorde revealed, possibly suggesting a rumoured split with Warren. “It’s different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself.”
Although neither party publicly confirmed the relationship, the singer-songwriter had been linked to Warren - the American promotions director for Universal Music - for several years.
She continued: “I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet.”
The “Royals” chart-topper shared that her body has been “really inflamed” and that she has been struggling with her health, saying: “It’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated.”
“My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times. I realised earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do. I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through,” Lorde admitted.
She also added she has stopped taking a “yellow pill,” writing: “The little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I stopped taking it five days ago. Gonna see how it goes.”
The lyricist shared that she had been struggling with her body image after constantly comparing herself to others, and it’s taken a toll on her mental health. “I go online and look at everyone,” Lorde said, noting in the letter: “Everyone looks very thin. Just thinking that makes me feel tired and far away. I’m not sure if it’s having an effect on anyone else.”
She said she had “grand plans” to attend Paris Fashion Week, but “pulled out” because she wasn’t feeling her best. She wrote: “At the start of my career I promised myself I’d never be one of the people in the light smiling if it wasn’t real.”
Later in the letter, she said that after eating “two handfuls of mushrooms” earlier in the year, she had an epiphany. The “Green Light” singer explained how the experience put things into perspective.
“[I] saw that my body is completely magnificent, and that hating it is as futile as hating a tree; that I truly, truly love doing my job, and that my life is like a beautiful tapestry, and every inch of it is precious and has meaning,” she wrote.
The newsletter arrived nearly six months after Lorde hinted that she was planning on releasing a fourth album to New Zealand outlet Ensemble.
According to The New Zealand Herald, Lorde and Warren first met when she was signed to Universal Music in 2009. However, the pair weren’t linked romantically until nearly six years later. They sparked dating rumours in November 2015, when he accompanied Lorde on the red carpet at the Vodafone New Zealand Music Awards. The two were spotted together again in New Zealand in February 2016, though he later dismissed dating rumours.
“Ella and I have worked together for years and we’re good friends. Any rumors of us being ‘a pair’ are ridiculous,” he told The Herald at the time. “Ella has a really busy year ahead of her and we’ll be spending more time together as plans for the next Lorde record unfold.”
The Independent has contacted representatives for Lorde for comment.
