As Halloween approaches, it’s time to talk about ghosts. More specifically, ghosting.
Ghosting can be defined as ending a relationship or avoiding a second date by simply not replying to messages. It hurts. And it’s all too common in the world of online dating.
Surveys conducted by dating app Badoo shows that a huge 72 per cent of Londoners have been ghosted, on average six times each.
But it seems London singletons give as good as they get, with 63 per cent admitting to having ghosted someone and 42 per cent they did so to avoid the awkward break-up convo.
Brits are famously awkward but ghosting is surely not the answer.
On a serious note, ghosting actually affects wellbeing: a quarter of Londoners said that the brutal break-up method damaged their mental health. The worst part is not knowing why you’ve been ditched, left with endless questions of ‘what did I do?’ or ‘what is wrong with me?’ It also removes any form of closure and nearly a third of Brits said this was the worst part about it.
Dating expert and author Persia Lawson says ghosting “has the potential to leave unresolved feelings and negative implications.” Luckily for singletons this Halloween, she shared her tips on getting over a ghost with the Standard.
Firstly, don’t take in personally. “Being ghosted really does say more about the ghoster than it does the ghostee. In fact, you could argue that the ghoster has done you a favour by disqualifying themselves as a worthy suitor.”
Second, “it’s understandable why you’d want to distract yourself from the sting of rejection by getting wasted or hooking up with someone new. But you’ll only be delaying the inevitable. The faster you can accept, feel and process your feelings, the faster you’ll heal.”
Thirdly, and this one’s tricky, no social stalking! “Perhaps remove temptation altogether by putting your ghoster’s account on mute or consider blocking, to give yourself time to heal.”
If you’re the one no longer interested in the person you’re dating, don’t be a coward says Persia. “Stop avoiding your ghostee and just get the awkward conversation over and done with so you can move on with your life, sans le guilt.”
Indeed Badoo has revealed a rise in the ‘Guilty-Ghoster’. These ghoulish daters are beginning to see the errors of their ways with 45 per cent of Londoners regretting their actions. 70 per cent said ghosting would be less common if the impacts were more widely acknowledged.
