Llama Inn has virtually nothing to do with llamas, which is a shame, because they’re one of the best creatures on Earth – I like their petulant underbites and New Romantic hair-dos. There was once a restaurant/llama petting zoo on the A66 near Penrith called the Llama Karma Kafe, where you could eat a jacket potato with tuna mix just metres from a crowd of these furry beasts, but sadly the place has long since closed.
Equally sadly, Llama Inn in Shoreditch is nothing like the Llama Karma Kafe, either – there’s not a slice of bakewell tart or a domesticated camelid in sight. Instead, it is a “cool” Peruvian restaurant down an alleyway, then up a lift and on to a Hoxton rooftop. You’d never get a llama in that lift, by the way; it’s far too small: the cool kids with their big shoes and oversized jackets have to take it two at a time. Llama Inn first opened in New York in 2015 and has now set up shop in London, serving anticucho (stuff on skewers), various types of ceviches and sliders, as well as its signature lomo saltado (stir-fried beef with spring onion pancakes and pickled chillies).
The menu is inspired by south American and Peruvian tastes, so expect ají rocoto pepper, choclo corn and caucau (tripe stew), but there’s also a heavy Nikkei undertone, with dishes dressed in furikake seasoning and yuzu kosho. In brief, everything at Llama Inn is memorable for one reason or another. You’ll be bombarded with sweet, sour, soy, mayo and nutty umami pastes at every turn. Sometimes they are lovely, at others quite puzzling, but at all times they will be expensive, because you’re in Hoxton. One tiny skewer of octopus, potato and capers is as big as my index finger and costs £9, plus service. A small pile of quinoa containing chopped bacon, banana and avocado is £13. One of the most expensive dishes, the lomo saltado, is £56.
For a restaurant that arrived with such a clear idea of its hip, New York identity, however, this is an understated, pale, mature dining space. I came here a few years ago, back when it was an Italian restaurant, and this time I could barely spot anything by way of refurbishment, although I’m certain money must have been spent on it. The music is much louder, though, and features more Chaka Khan and Mos Def, while the cocktail list now offers the likes of YaYo hipsters with Japanese gin and vermut rojo as well as something called a “chupetini – make it a supertini”, which has Japanese gin, dry vermouth, an “umami bomb” and a blue cheese olive. They made me a no-alcohol, sort-of-Japanese-style sangria garnished with banana leaf, which was very pretty.
Service was lovely, though we must have had at least six different servers over the course of our meal, and each one told me to remember that everything was designed for sharing. That’s as may be, but it’s actually quite hard to share Llama Inn’s crispy squid ceviche, which is essentially deep-fried squid rings with a sweet, corn-based sauce. Or its zucchini caucau, which is a bowl of soup with a roll. Have you ever shared a bowl of soup and a roll with another human being? You’d have to know them extremely well indeed. At Palmito in Brighton, which I reviewed a few weeks ago, I witnessed an act of open rebellion from one table of four diners, who, when told that “everything was for sharing”, replied: “We don’t want to. We don’t like sharing.” This is how revolution feels, I thought quietly to myself while dividing a dal into two portions. I should add that both the sauce with the squid and the caucau were genuinely very good indeed.
As for the star attraction, that lomo saltado was peculiar. It’s a Peruvian take on a Chinese beef stir-fry, with a handful of meat fried to well done and served in a soy-based sauce with some oyster sauce and beef broth, plus, at a guess, five large spring onions. Some of these were chopped and thrown over as garnish, and others were semi-fried in large chunks and left floating in the sauce, which tasted mostly of dark soy. The entire merry mess was garnished further with a Jackson Pollock of vivid orange mayo and served with spring onion pancakes, rice and chips. We foraged for the beef on that vast, spring onion mountain. The chips were very good, though. Freakishly good, in fact: thin and french fry in style, but triple-cooked and crunchy. World-class chips. The pancakes weren’t great, though.
If I sound a bit confused by Llama Inn, I am, as will probably everyone who goes there. After a matcha tart with a fridge-cold pastry base, I paid the £170 bill and left, saying: “Parts of that were genuinely innovative and delicious, and the staff were so nice. I’d even go back if someone else was paying.” Form an orderly queue with your Coutts cards, everyone, though you have to like sharing plates – and spring onions.
Llama Inn 1 Willow Street, London EC2, reservations@llamainnlondon.com. Open Wed-Sun noon-1am (midnight Sun). From about £40 a head, plus drinks and service
The fifth episode in the new series of Grace Dent’s Comfort Eating podcast goes live on Tuesday 31 October. Listen to it here. Her new book of the same name is published by Guardian Faber at £20; to order a copy for £17, visit guardianbookshop.com
