Dear Coleen,
My boyfriend and I moved in with his parents a year ago, so we could start saving up for our wedding, which we’re planning for summer 2024.
At first it was OK because we have our own room and bathroom downstairs, but now the novelty has well and truly worn off. We’re not even saving that much money any more because we often go out in the evenings just to spend some time on our own!
His younger brother, who’s 18, is also still living at home and often brings his mates over, so the house is always full. Our sex life has taken a hit, too, because we’re so conscious of being quiet and getting it over with, which isn’t romantic at all.
We both work quite long hours, so only have the evenings together in a house full of people. But if we go to our room, we either get his mum knocking on the door offering coffee or food, or his immature brother joking that we must be going off for sex and to “remember to lock the door”. It’s so annoying.
I can’t face another year of this and worry it’s affecting our relationship. However, the thought of paying rent again and having no money is also a concern. Any ideas?
Coleen says
Here’s what I think: use the money you’re saving up for a deposit on your own place and scale down the wedding. Do you really want to come back from your honeymoon and live with your in-laws and have all the same problems?
Your life together is what’s important and not a big, fancy wedding. The truth is, it’s one day and you can still have a lovely, meaningful wedding without spending a fortune. What’s really romantic is having a key to your own place to start your married life together instead of spending every last penny catering for other people.
Have a discussion with your boyfriend and talk about your priorities and your life together after the wedding.
Some of the best and most beautiful weddings I’ve been to have been small and intimate. It’s about the two of you exchanging vows in front of the people who love you and not about the grandest venue or most extravagant decorations.
If the current situation is putting stress on your relationship, rethink your plans.
