"I've had several suicide attempts - I've been close to death on a number of occasions including in January this year," says Colin Dolan.
The 57-year-old Glaswegian speaks frankly from the side of a football pitch at Goals Liverpool South just off Speke Boulevard. "I always thought I would eventually be successful and I resigned myself to the fact I would take my own life," he explains. "But when the doctor told me I was going to pull through, for the first time in I don't know how long I thought 'yeah I want to live now."'
It's a Tuesday evening and the weather is cold - but the car park at the football centre is full and all the pitches are occupied by players having a casual kickabout or competing in various mini-leagues. Colin stands to the side speaking to the ECHO and observing the dozen players chasing each other and the ball around the artificial grass in front of him.
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He stops speaking every few minutes to comment on a piece of action from the pitch. "What a hit, son," he exclaims as one player strikes the ball beautifully from 30 yards out and rattles the crossbar.
The players are all on the pitch as part of a programme by Liverpool Football Therapy. Founded by Colin in 2019, Liverpool Football Therapy uses the beautiful game to improve the physical, mental, emotional and social wellbeing of adults affected by mental health.
Colin, who was diagnosed with bipolar in his mid-30s explains he came up with the concept after benefiting first-hand from Everton's community programme Imagine Your Goals. Aimed specifically at Mersey Care NHS patients, the programme uses football as a therapeutic tool to help participants improve their emotional resilience and boost self-confidence.
The dad-of-three, who lives in Mossley Hill, tells the ECHO : "I was advised by my partner Michelle to get back into football but thought 'no chance.' When I finally decided I would try it, it took me three attempts before I had enough courage to put my boots on and play.
"The first session in 2012 completely transformed my life. I have played football my whole life and at a decent standard as well. But when I walked home along Penny Lane after that first session I felt like I was floating.
"I saw it as therapy. When you take medication it wears off but when you play football it gives you a buzz."
Colin credits the Everton in the Community programme with saving his life on a number of occasions - and has even got the logo tattooed on his arm, despite being a Liverpool FC fan. But after benefiting from the programme for several years, Colin saw there were so many people in Merseyside who were not under Mersey Care's service.
"So many people throughout Merseyside have mental health issues but didn't qualify to be involved with the programme," he said. "These people had to have the opportunity to use football as part of the recovery process or as part of ongoing therapy. I knew I had to reach out and use my feelings and experiences of mental health on and off the pitch to help other people."
Liverpool Football Therapy hosts two sessions each week across Merseyside - one in Netherton and one in Speke. The five-a-side football sessions are for adults of all genders affected by any form of mental ill health, but most importantly, no one needs to be referred. Colin, who also serves as the managing director, explains the programme actively encourages people who haven't yet been diagnosed to come to the sessions due to the length of the referral process.
Colin, dressed in black tracksuit bottoms and zip-up jacket, explains: "The idea behind it is to help improve the overall quality of people's lives. The most important factor isn't the football.
"That's just what brings everyone together. It's knowing the other people around you are on a similar journey so you can have chats before and after the session.
"A lot of the lads out there at the moment have been coming for a few months. Some a little longer.
"I know at least three of them out there at the moment don't leave the house to come to anything other than this session. But the improvement I've seen in them, not just physically, but mentally in terms of their confidence, is great to see."
The game pauses for a moment and Colin calls over some of the players. One of them is a curly haired man in his 20s dressed in a Liverpool training top. Dominic started coming to the Speke football session around a year ago.
Dominic said he has suffered from depression but likes coming to the Tuesday night session because "everybody understands how rough mental health can be". He tells the ECHO : "I knew it was going to be good coming here, but didn't think it would be this good.
"When I leave it makes me feel so good inside - it's an incredible feeling. Everyone is so supportive and complimentary of each other. It's just a kick-about - there's no pressure."
As Dominic runs to re-join the match, Colin says "I know how much it would have taken Dominic to have said that just now - I'm so proud of how far they've all come."
Another player, called Josh, is dressed in Liverpool Football Therapy's purple and white kit. "I've also been here around a year," he adds. "I was experiencing severe anxiety and depression and then saw a Facebook advertisement for the programme.
"Coming to the session gives me routine. It makes me feel better mentally and the football is something I look forward to every week."
It's clear from watching the game unfolding on the pitch how much the players are enjoying the session. This isn't football where one player stands out. There's laughs and jokes.
Colin said: "Most of the lads out there hadn't met before tonight's session - they all just understand each other."
Colin explains there are about 60 people who currently engage with the programme's two weekly sessions. He said: "Some people like to come every week, some people like to come once a month. Some people have to fit the sessions around work or family. But the door is always open for people when they want to come back."
The weekly sessions cost £3 if you're in employment and £2 if you're unemployed. But as Colin said: "I'm never going to turn anyone away if they don't have the money".
As well as the weekly sessions, which are strictly non-competitive, Liverpool Football Therapy also plays competitively in a number of appropriate leagues.
The team has had success as well, winning the Mental Health Football Association national cup. Colin has also taken teams abroad to countries including Italy and the Czech Republic to represent Merseyside and Liverpool Football Therapy.
He said: "Everyone regardless of ability gets the opportunity to play competitively for us and has the chance to go abroad. We've been successful and have got some silverware but seeing everyone enjoying themselves and making new friends is the most important thing for me."
Colin knows more than anyone the importance of having a support network around you. He speaks openly about his own mental health struggles and abuses of alcohol and drugs which have led to numerous suicide attempts. He admits the struggle is ongoing and even this year tried to take his own life.
But he also knows how playing football has changed his life and been a constant happiness throughout all his struggles. He said: "I know my mental health experiences can help other people. Everyone who comes along to these sessions knows my back story.
"Like myself, they come down here and treat the sessions as part of their medication. We call it football therapy because that's what it is. These sessions make me stronger as a person."
Liverpool Football Therapy is an independent programme but has a support network around it from a number of other services. One of them is First Person Project, a community interest company, that sponsor the team's football shirts.
Colin said several players have come to the team on recommendation from First Person Project, he added: "They've really helped put our name out there so everyone knows who we are and what we do. It's good to have these partnerships so we can help refer people to the appropriate services and ensure these people get the right care and are well looked after."
Craig is one of the oldest at the session and also one of the better players. Sporting short, cropped hair and a warm smile, he explains he was told about the sessions by housing association South Liverpool Homes (SLH). Craig said: "I've been coming down quite a lot. I was speaking to SHL who told me about the football and said to go down and see what it was like.
"I'm still here now. It's good to have the support of the lads and Colin. If Colin isn't available I can speak to any of the lads about stuff.
"It's been a tough year not just for me but all the lads. But altogether we're all just one big family who support each other through thick and thin."
Colin is hoping Liverpool Football Therapy can soon gain charity status. He said if they managed to bring in a significant amount of funding they could run more sessions including one near the city centre, support more people, and put more volunteers through mental health support and awareness training.
Colin said: "Everyone here loves the football, but the biggest factor is the peer support. If just one person reads this and reaches out to us for help, what we do will be a success."
Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you're feeling, or if you're worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.
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