She’s spoken about the grief she’s endured after losing her mum, Cath, to cancer in 2012 and now Lisa Riley is on a mission to let people know that struggling with loss over a long period of time is normal.
The actress, who’s played Mandy Dingle in Emmerdale on and off for 27 years, is an ambassador for The Empty Chair, a campaign by Sue Ryder which features 13 empty chairs around a dining table to highlight challenging times for those who have lost loved ones.
When we catch up with Lisa, she’s just finished filming Emmerdale ’s New Year’s Eve episode and she’s dressed in festive sparkles and false eyelashes. But Lisa admits that being bubbly Mandy isn’t a true reflection of her life.
“I was looking out of the window on an aeroplane recently, thinking about my mum, and the person next to me was like, ‘You’re not as bubbly as I thought you’d be,’” she says.
“And I said, ‘I’m Lisa, not Mandy – I play a role.’ Then I go home and thought, ‘I’ve let that person down.’”
Lisa, 46, tearfully explains she sometimes feels foolish about the length of time she’s grieved for her mother and credits meeting her fiancé Al – who she got engaged to in 2018 – for helping her to move forward in life.
“The backbone I lost in my mum, I’ve gained and I never thought I’d have that again,” she says. “For that, I’m rich, not in monetary value but in happiness. I’ve found that trust in him. Everyone loves him.”
Here, Lisa talks about her ongoing relationship with grief, how her first mammogram appointment in February went and why she thinks she’s found a keeper in Al.
Hi, Lisa. Grief comes in many different forms. What is your experience with it?
Mum and I had an unbreakable bond, so it was like a tent and the pole in the middle fell and I didn’t know how to stand up again on my own. But then I had to, because the show must go on – my career. When people say, “Keep a stiff upper lip”, that’s nonsense. It was cancer and I nursed her all the way. My dad was in denial and my brother went insular and I always say I kept the ship sailing. Then when it happened, I crumbled to the point of no return. The doctor gave me Valium and I was like, “Why am I being silenced about this?”
So medication didn’t work for you?
It works for some people, but it didn’t work for me. I’m not the sort of person who needs to be silenced and my mum wouldn’t want that. But I felt foolish about how much pain I was in.
Why did you feel foolish?
I broke down on Lorraine last year and people online were like, “Oh, just get over it.” And it’s like, “What? I’m in agony.” Men especially are frightened about showing emotion. At times it used to upset me about how my brother reacted to things. But campaigns like this help you realise it’s OK to feel this way.
Do you have regular health checks?
I had my first mammogram in February – it was totally surreal. Al took me. I was frightened because Mum was 46 when she first got diagnosed and I was like, “I’ve got to make it to 46 and be cancer free.” It’s stupid psychology. The second I turned 46 I was like, “Ha, Mum, I beat you!”
Was everything OK with the results?
Fine and dandy. I got the letter and Al saw the header on the envelope and he hid it because I had a big job that evening. I couldn’t love Al any more for doing that. If I’d have seen it, I would have battled with myself over whether to open it. So we got home and he went, “Babe, this came this morning.”
I was like, “Wow.” We laughed because it came as second class post and we said, “If it was s****y news, it would have come as first class.” I find a joke out of everything – that’s how I deal with it.
Al sounds very thoughtful…
There are moments like that where I think, “Yeah, I’ve picked a good man.” We always go, “Did my mum have something to
do with this in heaven?”
You’re engaged but you’ve said you don’t plan to get married…
When I make that picture, it makes me so sad. Not only are our mums not there, without sounding morbid, there are not many [family members] left. I’m 46, he’s 52, we’re not getting younger and I don’t see why it’s important any more. We weren’t lucky enough to have kids, probably because I waited too long. My career always came first and I know that about myself now. I say, “If you feel like you’ve not met the right person, please go and freeze your eggs. Don’t make the mistake I made.” I always thought career comes first.
Jennifer Aniston has said something similar…
I took such comfort in reading that article. When we did the infertility line with Mandy Dingle, it had never been done in soap before, to be infertile so young. The response we got was mind-blowing – so many girls losing their wombs at young ages.
What’s coming up in Emmerdale for Christmas?
I can’t go anywhere without people asking if Paddy and Mandy are getting back together. Me and Dominic [Brunt] are best friends in real life. We love each other like brother and sister. We are inseparable off screen and who knows? I’ve got some fabulous storylines. Vinny’s dealing with his grief after losing Liv, so Mandy’s got to be a supportive mum there. But as we go into the new year, it’s exciting.
You were a competitor on Strictly Come Dancing in 2012. Are you watching this year?
Of course. Kym Marsh is one of my oldest friends and Helen Skelton, I love her to death. Knowing what Kym’s gone through privately with losing her child – to be able to portray that through dance, people can really identify.
Are you still going to Zumba?
Yes, I love the camaraderie of people. It’s a bit hard with the dark nights, but I’ll put my beats or a podcast on and I’ll walk for miles. I get lost in my own silent world because my head’s so busy from learning scripts. Before I know it, I’ve done six-and-a-half miles. You should always exercise for who you are.
In this country, we grade people by their size and it doesn’t matter. I’m not what I was after Strictly as I was training seven hours a day, but as long as I do some exercise, I’m good. I’m in a place in my life where I know what I can eat and what I can’t eat.
Are you still a vegetarian?
I’m pescatarian. I got anaemia really badly six years ago, so I eat salmon and prawns. And I still don’t drink alcohol. My life is so much better without it. I live vicariously through Mandy, but I’m camomile tea all the way!
