The jokes and the Lee Ryan memes on social media hit the nail on the head in terms of his racially offensive conduct and his arrogance towards a Black flight attendant.
But the truth is, his behaviour on that plane was no laughing matter. Not for the attendant or the many black women who have been in the distressing position she found herself in.
Ryan told the flight attendant that he wanted her “chocolate children”, implying that the only reason he was attracted to her was because she was black. He used an offensive term to describe the children they - in his mind - would have.
I’ve had my own Lee Ryan experience. It wasn’t, obviously, with the Blue singer. It was a few years ago when one of my white friends - in his own way of flirting - told me he loved black women so much he couldn’t wait to “breed” one. As if we are animals!
I was speechless. I couldn’t believe this person who was actually my friend said this to my face and saw no issue with it.
I was embarrassed that he didn't see me as a woman, or even a black woman, but a baby breeder. If a friend saw fit to that to my face, what do other white men think or even say behind my back?
I’ve grown up seeing and experiencing for myself the negative way in which black girls can be regarded and treated as they get older, especially by white men and the wider society.
We are denied our childhood, we are victims of prejudice and we are seen as different from our white peers.
As we get older that then moves to us being sexually objectified and seen as promiscuous, sexual oddities. A racial fetish that shouldn't be - but is desired.
Ryan’s ludicrous defence - that he has a black band member and has had black girlfriends - is typical of perpetrators who don’t see the kind of comments he made as being problematic.
They think we, as black women, should be flattered that a white man sees us as desirable.
But we’ve grown up knowing the difference between a compliment and being sexualized purely on the basis of our skin colour. Like Lee Ryan, if you don’t know the difference, you’re part of the problem.
If you want to compliment us - like you would any woman, there's no need to discuss our race. We are people. Focusing on anything else diminishes the whole value of the approach in the first place.
