Laura Anderson says she isn't ready for her baby that's due within months because she is still grieving the life she thought she would have.
The 34-year-old is nervous about welcoming her first child in August and going it alone having split with boyfriend Gary Lucy after the pair met last summer filming E4's Celebs Go Dating.
Their love didn't last long after the former Hollyoaks actor took it upon himself to announce to the world that they are expecting a baby girl - without getting consent from his pregnant ex-girlfriend.
Laura is believed to have been hoping to keep the news private until later this year and things between them couldn't be repaired.
In her latest pregnancy column for OK! Magazine, the mum-to-be opens up on her feelings about raising her unborn child without a man in her life as she admits the responsibility is 'scary'.
She says she is looking towards the future with a smile on her face but still wonders what might have been.
Laura revealed: "I've been putting a lot of things, such as a baby shower, off, because I feel like I'm sort of grieving the life I thought I'd have, being pregnant.
"It's a grievance what I thought my life was going to be like, at this point, and how I thought my first pregnancy was going to be - settled down with my partner and raising a baby together.
"I'm just going through the process of realising that my life isn't going to be like that, because I am doing it myself, and just coming to terms with the fact that it's not going to be the way I thought it would."
The former Love Island star told the publication all about her concerns with her due date nearing.
"Raising my baby predominantly by myself is scaring me - I'm worried I will do something wrong," she said.
"Being responsible for someone else is quite a big thing. I am going to be with her most of the time - obviously her dad [Gary] will be involved - but there's just a lot of decisions to make throughout her life, an it's scary to think the choices I make will have an impact on her whole life."
Laura previously addressed Gary's claims that they split because he wouldn't move to Scotland - where she is now living close to her family - because he wanted to be near his four children with ex-wife Natasha Gray.
Insisting that it was "not true" and that she was always going to move to Essex, she said that their break-up was "hard to explain".
Revealing that she had initially wanted to reconcile and work out, she alluded to eventually being unable to do so because of "things [she] found out since then" and "the fact that nothing has been discussed or resolved".
Laura added: "I think for now I’m trying to just be positive and think about the baby and be strong, because everything became too chaotic.”
* Follow Mirror Celebs on Snapchat , Instagram , Twitter and Facebook .
