In 1982, American pop-duo The Weather Girls released their smash-hit “It’s Raining Men”. The men in question were, allegedly, tall, blonde, dark and lean, rough and tough and strong and mean. What the Weather Girls didn’t account for, however, was that in 2024, two cold fronts and a deluge would fuck Australia so good we would never need a man again.
Yes friends, it’s orgy season yet again, but this time Kate and John from the flower streets will NOT be hosting, so keep your keys where they are. Per the Bureau of Meteorology, up to 80 per cent of the country is going to engage in a two-week long deluge thanks to a cold-front that will cross from WA right on over to NSW and Queensland.
Hope you like being wet!
As the cold front moves across the country, it will reportedly tap into tropical moisture from the Indian Ocean. Think of it like someone beating you up only to pause for a moment, call their friend in, and continue beating you up. This moisture will add some serious rainfall across the country, meaning it’s going to get very cold and very wet very soon.
“There may be some thunderstorms with these showers and also potentially some damaging wind gusts and hail,” said BoM Meteorologist Christie Johnson.
“Some areas that could see the heavier falls include north-eastern Victoria, elevated parts of NSW, north-eastern NSW and some parts of central Australia.
“This is a developing weather system and warnings may be issued.”
Per BoM and Weatherzone, once the cold front finishes its grand tour from west to east, a SECOND rain-bearing system will start to move across WA. This means ‘cold and wet‘ is on the agenda from late this week up until next weekend.
Sydney is expected to cop up to 40mm of rain. Perth will reportedly see up to 50mm, Adelaide up to 25mm and Melbourne up to 18mm. All other states and territories are expected to be hit, but not as badly. Unless you’re in Canberra of course, where the weather is always shit, so nothing will really feel different.
Unfortunately for us, meteorologists predict another La Niña cycle may be fast approaching.
For those of you who were comatose for most of 2023, La Niña is a cruel mistress who brings about cold, soggy days and frosty, damp nights. She is no fun, but she’s the ex that Australia cannot stop calling back, apparently.
Hope you’ve all got boats ready. I’ll be sailing into the city from hereon.
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