L Morgan Lee, the first openly trans person to be nominated for a Tony Award, is just trying to put one foot in front of the other.
The award-winning actor is having a bit of a whirlwind year, after all. Following her Broadway debut in Michael R Jackson’s Pulitzer prize-winning musical A Strange Loop, Lee received her first ever Tony nomination, an accolade she has hoped for since childhood, when she “[dreamed] about being one of these beautiful women in these beautiful gowns” who grace the red carpet.
“For this to happen, the opportunity to be one of those beautiful women in that space, it just puts me in disbelief,” said Lee to the Guardian in a video interview. “The thing that I always thought was impossible growing up suddenly, is sitting in front of me.”
Lee had originally planned to not watch the Tony nomination broadcast, but her own anxiety ultimately forced her to watch the announcements on her phone, in bed. She figured if she didn’t receive a nomination, she could catch an extra hour of sleep and go about her day. But then, her name was read.
In A Strange Loop, Usher, a Black, queer, fat theater usher, attempts to write a musical about a Black, queer, fat man writing a musical about a Black, queer, fat man, and so forth.
Lee plays Thought 1 (AKA the overseer of Usher’s sexual ambivalence), one of six, personified thoughts swirling around Usher’s jam-packed head. Lee also takes on a number of other characters, swinging from a sympathetic theater-goer who listens to Usher’s despondency to Usher’s brother’s on-and-off girlfriend named Rafiki.
“I have been performing in some form or fashion since I was in a crib,” said Lee. Her first public performance was in pre-school, where she participated in a nursery school talent show singing Karma Chameleon by Culture Club.
“In some ways, I look back now and sort of chuckle to myself,” recounts Lee with a laugh. “Like, you were in preschool and they had you in hair and makeup before you understood everything for your own self. You were already attuned to sort of breaking gender barriers.”
Reflecting back, Lee says that since childhood, despite a fairly happy upbringing, she knew that “something wasn’t quite right”.
“I knew that things were not aligned the way they were supposed to be,” said Lee regarding her gender identity.
But, with her early gravitation towards performance, Lee says she was innately attracted to acting, even though her earliest roles didn’t line up with what she wanted to play: “Being a trans woman, there is sort of this element of ‘things felt right’. Being a performer, being an actor, in some form or fashion, always felt like it was at my core.”
Amid a slew of roles that didn’t connect with Lee, she says a scene she did in college (she attended Philadelphia’s University of the Arts as a musical theatre major), where she played the character Clare in Jean Genet’s Maids, left her feeling more confident about her ability to act and do work that felt truthful: “That was like one of the first pieces of scene work I got to touch where I felt like the pieces all fit together.”
Since then, the work she has felt most connected to came after her transition, which took place during Lee’s tenure in A Strange Loop: “The minute I was honest with the world about who I am, all of a sudden, it’s as if the world began to see me,” said Lee.
She starred in a workshop production of a musical version of The Danish Girl in the UK and as Paula Maxa in the musical Maxa: The Maddest Woman in the World, which is also in development.
Lee has been with A Strange Loop since 2015, when Jackson first messaged her via Facebook about reading for the project. But, as Lee transitioned during the development of the show, she “started to feel less and less like this was a space that I belonged”.
“I felt like this was not a story that I needed to be telling,” said Lee.
At one point, Lee was prepared to pull out of A Strange Loop, believing it would be mutually beneficial for the show and herself if she stepped back. The show’s earliest incarnation was about a cast of seven gay, Black men, something that Lee no longer felt aligned to as she became more public about her gender.
But, when Lee informed the show’s creative team of her decision, their response surprised her. Instead of accepting her resignation outright, the show’s creative team informed her that they had discussions about her role in the show and that, instead of stifling the musical, her participation could actually expand the show’s reach.
The show’s creative team also created a lane for Lee to bring up any concerns with the show’s material or triggers that came up.
“One of the biggest things that creative teams and producers can do is to make sure that the space is safe for the people that they want to bring into it,” said Lee of A Strange Loop’s care-filled response towards her.
At times, Lee found the play difficult to be in as a Black woman, but recognizes that the show can’t hold all its potential feedback. The specificity of Usher’s perspective as a Black, queer man allows the play to feel more like “a rage play” and give Usher room to say imperfect things given the musical’s honesty.
“The piece is quite complicated to live in as a Black woman. [Sometimes], the way that Black women are represented in the piece is not necessarily always the greatest,” said Lee. “I think a lot of that comes from this young man’s process of finding himself and seeing the contrast of what he’s expected to be versus what he is.”
Lee says also that her own transition has expanded her take on the show: “Each time I’ve come back to the piece, I’ve been a little further in my own transition and that much more comfortable in my own womanhood. As a result of that, my lens has slightly shifted each time we come through this.”
Now, after three separate productions of A Strange Loop, almost seven years later, Lee has received one of theater’s highest recognitions for her work, a Tony nomination.
“The minute they said my name, I was gutted, it literally took my breath away. I shrieked, I was crying. I could not stop crying for about a week. The biggest feeling I had was disbelief,” said Lee of learning that she had been nominated.
Given her historic nomination, many have jumped to call Lee a “trailblazer”, a phrase that she is still learning to navigate.
“I don’t know how to put that on because all I’m trying to do is put one foot in front of the other,” said Lee.
“I literally am just trying to make it day to day and continue to learn to love and embrace the fullness of who I am every day.”
But amid the overwhelming nature of being the first, Lee knows that this moment comes at a time when transphobic policies are being pushed by so many across the country.
“[For] people who are trans or non-binary or gender expansive, we live in a world that does not want to acknowledge that we are even present,” said Lee.
For now, with the Tony awards only days away, she hopes her nomination will inspire other trans people, particularly youth, who may not see a future where they can fully embrace themselves.
“[As the visibility starts happening], I want for the kid who is me today to find me and to see me and go, “Oh my God, she’s like me,” said Lee. “This is not crazy. This is not some wild fantasy. I can be fully myself and still be received in a positive way.”
