Someone had better get Sue Gray on the phone a bit sharpish.
Because as soon as she’s done with Boris’ bring your own Boozegate, she might have an even more sobering investigation to oversee amidst the spit and sawdust of Scottish football’s back garden.
And let’s be blunt, it doesn’t take a leaked email from a master of the dark arts to see this one Cummings.
One way or another a furious row is brewing over the next Old Firm squabble which is supposed to take place in just nine days from now – having already had its can kicked down the road once before.
With bodies piling up on both sides of the Clyde and more key men leaving town on international duty, the suspicion grows by the day that one or both of these sides may consider it more convenient to call for a second postponement rather than go into a title fight armed with not much more than a stinking hangover.
But, the truth of the matter is, any such request is already almost certainly doomed to fail no matter how many more call offs might arise between now and next Wednesday night.
A lack of wriggle room in the fixture list makes the prospect of juggling matches around difficult enough at the best of times. Indeed, the only spare midweeks between now and the end of season split are already set aside for European competitions.
And even if both Rangers and Celtic free up some room by crashing out of their respective campaigns at the next hurdle before the end of next month, UEFA dictates that those midweek dates are not then made available for domestic games to be broadcast live.
In other words, the biggest derby match of the season – with the potential to be a title decider – would not be shown on the telly. Good luck selling that one to the money men at Sky TV.
Ironically, Celtic’s case for a postponement looks to have gone the way of Kyogo Furuhashi ’s hamstring.
Had the striker been fit enough to represent his country then he would have joined Daizen Maeda on the flight back to the Far East for World Cup qualifiers against China and Saudi Arabia.
And – with Australian international Tom Rogic also heading Down Under – Ange Postecoglou would have met the quota needed to ask the SPFL for another rescheduling.
Which is possibly another reason why Celtic’s manager looked like a bear with a sore head after his side’s unsatisfactory Scottish Cup outing at Alloa on Saturday evening.
Of course, the loss to a nasty looking facial injury of Callum McGregor would have done little to improve his mood.
While Postecoglou was less gloomy about the short term prognosis for Liel Abada and Yosuke Ideguchi – both of whom limped off at the Indodrill – he appeared to have resigned himself to having to do without talisman McGregor before even boarding the team bus out of Clackmannanshire.
That one can be chalked down to nothing more than wretched bad luck.
McGregor was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time when he collided with Adam King’s shoulder.
But the plight of Furuhashi is not quite so straightforward.
As a matter of fact, although Postecoglou has got an awful lot right during his first few months in the job, his decision-making where the well being of his star striker is concerned looks to have been flawed.
Having already rushed the player off the treatment table for the Premier Sports Cup Final before Christmas – albeit a gamble which paid out in silver – Postecoglou then took another punt on Furuhashi’s dodgy hamstring when he pitched him in against rock-bottom St Johnstone on Boxing Day.
With the winter shutdown already brought forward – and the Old Firm game put back by a whole month – Postecoglou must have been banking on there being ample recovery time for his talisman to get back up to full speed.
But it does now appear as if this high risk approach may have boomeranged on the Big Aussie. Quite spectacularly.
Perhaps this explains why he’s been so very vague whenever he’s been asked direct questions about Furuhashi’s condition.
If the injury has become so serious that it now requires surgery then Postecoglou’s insistence that the talisman will most certainly be back before the end of the season seems optimistic in the extreme.
No matter what Postecoglou may say in public, behind the scenes Celtic’s medical experts have been discussing the prospect of Furuhashi’s hamstring being put under the knife for an operation which normally requires around four months of full
rehab time.
The boss may also be trying to keep Rangers guessing but Giovanni van Bronckhorst has enough on his plate right now trying to work out what his own starting line-up might look like.
Alfredo Morelos is on his way to Colombia but Joe Aribo will be available after Nigeria went out the Africa Cup of Nations last night. Van Bronckhorst is still a couple of late call-ups away from his own postponement request though.
And, having placed themselves back on to a war footing with the authorities last week with that tantrum of a complaint letter over Kevin Clancy, whoever is calling the shots these days at Rangers might relish the chance to butt heads with the SPFL again by making a request which they know will almost inevitably be booted out.
It would certainly feed into the well established, tiresome narrative that the world and its auntie are out to get them.
Happily, unlike the men at the top of the stairs, van Bronckhorst shows no signs of wishing to play the victim card. Like Postecoglou, the Dutchman knows he has a serious job to be getting on with.
The circumstances inside both camps may be far from ideal but then isn’t a match like this the acid test of the depth of any squad as well as the tactical acumen of its manager?
A row over an impossible postponement might offer up a distraction. But it’s the real business of problem solving which will ultimately decide which one comes out on top.
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