Kirk Norcross has turned his devastation over his dad Mick 's suicide into determination to save others from the same fate.
The ex-TOWIE star has become an ambassador for suicide charity Papyrus and every day, speaks to people who are struggling with dark and suicidal thoughts.
Kirk discovered his dad's body, after Mick tragically took his own life in his home in January, last year. He was 57.
Since then, Kirk, 34, says he helps "10 to 20 people a day" through the charity.
In an exclusive interview, Kirk told how he knows all about those dark feelings as he actually planned to take his own life while struggling to come to terms with the loss of his dad and turning to drugs and alcohol.
And he shared how looking back, he realised there were signs that his dad had been struggling, and told that Mick had let out a "cry for help" with a first suicide attempt two months before his death.
Kirk told us how his dad’s suicide was caused by a combination of the pressures of lockdown and projects he had invested his money in grinding to a halt due to the pandemic.
On Mick's first suicide attempt, Kirk said: "It was clearly a cry for help which I sadly knew nothing about at the time. If I had known this, I would never have let my dad do what he did. I would have handcuffed myself to him and got everyone together and said: 'spiritually, lovingly and financially, I'll do anything for you dad'."
He added: "It was obviously getting to him in hindsight but like so many didn’t want to talk about it. I started seeing signs that he wasn't himself in lockdown. Usually, even if he had nothing to do in a day he would get himself showered and put a nice jumper on just to watch the TV.
"But he started wearing this grey tracksuit number and was moping around the house a bit. He was always so 'chest out and head high' bloke.
"I used to joke to him 'where has your chest gone man, pull yourself together.' It’s the way we’d talk to each other.
"I just put his move down to dealing with lockdown. He was a diabetic that was properly locked down for 12 weeks at the start of it. I guess what I’d say to others is always try to spot the signs even when you don’t suspect them."
Now, Kirk uses what he's learned from his experiences to help others.
Speaking about now becoming an ambassador for Papyrus, he said: "Going through something as awful as that means only one good thing which is that you have the experience to help others.
"I have 10 to 20 people message me a day saying they feel suicidal or feel depressed. I try my hardest to give them advice without giving them too much in case it might tip them over the edge.
"It's an honour to be an ambassador for the charity. If it wasn't for my kids I would probably not be here myself. It's a real honour to be an ambassador for something that is so close to my heart. I want to help other. I want to urge others to talk about their feelings.
"It's amazing to know that I might be saving some people’s life. One woman messaged me tell me she was going to end her life the night before but didn't after watching one of my videos online telling people to open up about things."
* If you are feeling suicidal or affected by issues talked about by Kirk then contact Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org or call 0800 068 41 41 or contact Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
