Parenting is often called “invisible work” because often enough, it goes completely unnoticed. After all, you don’t get workplace protections or employment status for the many, many hours of work you put in looking after kids. Unfortunately, in many relationships, this work is also very, very one-sided.
A dad went viral on TikTok after sharing his thoughts on how his own father would use the excuse of “long hours” to get out of childcare. We reached out to the man who made the video via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
More info: TikTok
Childcare is the sort of work that doesn’t have set hours
Image credits: AnnaStills (not the actual photo)
A dad shared his thoughts about how his own father used “work” to get out of helping his mom
He described the many responsibilities that are put on mothers
“I used to think my dad was this great family sacrificer, waking up at 4 and not coming home till 7:30 PM, grinding for his family. Rough hands and all. And then you become a dad yourself.”
Image credits: dillon.linen
“You grow up and realize this dude was just running away for like 15 hours a day, and that going to work is extremely easy compared to what’s going on in even 24 hours of a mother’s world.”
Image credits: dillon.linen
“You just leave and go hang out with people who know how to use the restroom, who don’t s**t their pants every couple hours and scream at you. Throw toys everywhere, pick them up, throw them back again. And now throwing them is the game.”
Image credits: dillon.linen
“It’s actually easier to make a million dollars than it is to just mother for like 72 hours straight. Been home for 1.5 days for this Thanksgiving thing and I’m just exhausted. Way harder than waking up at 4, working out, and working for 15 hours. Tell you that much.”
Image credits: dillon.linen
You can find the full video here
@dillon.linenShoutout moms.♬ original sound – dillon.linen
If raising a kid was an employment position, it would be one of the most time consuming ones out there
While most folks wouldn’t deny the fact that childcare is a lot of work, the reality is that it can at times be one of the most intensive jobs out there, which just exacerbates the problem that in many circles, it’s not treated as a job at all. After all, many mothers out there do their “work” which comes with no paid leave, no healthcare and no recognition, day after day, year after year.
It can be helpful to put it in monetary terms. One study found that, if a family was to “outsource” its parenting labor to a third party at market rates, it would cost between $4,000 and $5,200 per month in the United States. At the higher end of the spectrum, that would mean that raising someone from zero to twenty years old would cost nearly $1.25 million.
To be clear, this study included everything, namely “cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, transportation, emotional support, tutoring and planning/administrative tasks,” covering the entire spectrum of childcare. Remember, there is practically no break, no time off, no vacations, unless your partner actually steps in. Unfortunately, there are all too many couples where the partner simply never raises a finger.
Parenting is a skill that you can’t really study
This is not to say that a parent working multiple hours to provide is lazy, a job is a job and the inability to quit just because you have a family at home makes it a lot more difficult. However, in many families, the roles are split right down the middle, with, generally, the father working and the mother taking care of kids. Or, even worse, they both work and the mom also does the vast majority of childcare. Many couples have serious conflicts over how these takes are divided and who does what.
Even one child is, as previously mentioned, an incredibly large amount of work. Add in another and the task is doubled. Similarly, having kids of different ages brings its own challenges. Plus, as a first-time parent, every time you figure out just how to parent your child, it grows up a bit and suddenly you have to learn a lot of things from scratch. This is perhaps why the internet is rife with parental advice groups, forums and other literature for people who just want to find some help.
The comment he makes about a million dollars is nearly accurate, as it basically covers the unpaid costs of parenting. The video ended up going quite viral and sparked a sizable discussion in the comments, with people with various opinions weighing in. Some appreciated his validation, while others arrived to defend the breadwinners out there. At the very least, it just goes to show that paid labor isn’t the be all, end all of work.
Many people were grateful for his words that really captured their situation
A few people did share words of support for fathers
