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Won’t somebody think of Jurriën Timber? Less than 24 hours after being unveiled as an Arsenal player, the young defender would have had to scroll some way down the homepage of his new club’s website to find news of his arrival from Ajax. What he will have noticed is that his new employers had pressed every bell and whistle at their disposal into service to herald the arrival of their long-term target and record signing, Declan Rice, from West Ham. Peep! Here’s a video of Declan being welcomed by club sporting director Edu! Ding-dong! Here’s footage of the England midfielder stroking the belly of training-ground pup, Win. Clang! It’s Declan inspecting the dressing-rooms and receiving his new shirt! Jingle-jangle! Gaze in excitement as he finally puts pen to paper after a protracted six-month courtship. And Shazam, which is admittedly neither a bell nor a whistle but the tune-identifying app Football Daily used to discover that the music accompanying Declan’s surprisingly low-key unveiling video is a banger by Nigerian grime artist Odumodublvck.
It’s no surprise Arsenal’s social media disgraces team were determined to wring every penny’s worth out of the club’s expensive acquisition before he’d even pulled on a shirt. And being the amiable, young man he is, Rice was happy to play the game. “I’m a Gunner now,” he announced down the camera, a statement that will have come as a dagger to the heart of Hammers fans who can console themselves with the knowledge that, while their favourite son will not be blowing bubbles forever, at least he didn’t sign for Spurs.
“My ambitions now are to win with Arsenal,” roared Rice in his first sit-down interview. “I think this fanbase deserve it. There have been FA Cups and Community Shields but now it’s time to go one step bigger and win the Premier League; win [Big Cup]. I wouldn’t be here if I did not believe that. I believe in this squad. I believe in the manager. We have a real good energy and, when everyone is pushing in the right direction, Arsenal will take some stopping.” As we all remember, Arsenal took plenty of stopping last season but ultimately came up short in the face of relentless pressure from Pep Guardiola’s treble-winning juggernaut. It is difficult to imagine they won’t kick on with the addition of Rice, Kai Havertz and the other fella, who will have gotten to know each other and their new teammates since flying to the USA! USA!! USA!!!
Washington DC is Arsenal’s first port of call before three pre-season games against the MLS Soccerball All-Stars, Manchester United and Barcelona, when fans will get their first chance to see their summer signings strut their stuff. “We’re really happy that Declan is joining us,” cheered Mikel Arteta of his new acquisition. “He is bringing undoubted quality to the club and he is an exceptional talent who has the potential to be very successful here.” For an outlay of up to £105m, Arsenal fans will certainly hope so but given Rice’s level-headedness and obvious popularity among his fellow professionals, all available evidence suggests he will go about his business unencumbered by a price-tag that might seem excessive but could ultimately prove a snip.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If I wanted to go [to Saudi Arabia] I would be out there, not here. I love playing football. Obviously money is also important, but I dream of playing in the Premier League and still [have] a lot of things to do. Especially last season I suffered physically. This is not the Sonny that I know. So I want to prove that this season that I’m the Sonny that we all know. I want to prove that to myself and I want to give back to the club where I belong” – Son Heung-min sets his stall out, opting for another season of self-discovery over even more cash.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Apparently, the Colombia women’s team manager Nelson Abadía insisted their warm-up game against Ireland be played behind closed doors due to concerns about his tactics ‘being spread far and wide’. As the ‘friendly’ was abandoned after just 20 minutes – two yellow cards and an Irish player (Denise O’Sullivan) on her way to hospital – I think Señor Abadía’s tactics are well out of the bag at this point” – Justin Kavanagh.
Ross Dunning’s letter about receiving a WBA kit instead of a Chelsea one (Friday’s Football Daily letters) puts me in mind of a Christmas gift I received once from my brother. I am a Brighton & Hove Albion fan and he duly presented me with a Liverpool scarf with the comment: ‘Well, you support football, don’t you?’” – Sarah Devine.
Now that Kilmarnock have started the trend of science-related kits (Football Daily letters passim), I look forward to seeing what change strip Lister City come up with” – Peter Storch.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Justin Kavanagh.
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