Just Gonna Say It: Unless Someone’s Being A Massive Creep, You Shouldn’t Leak Their DMs

I feel like we’ve all been tempted to share a spicy DM before. And TBH, we all probably have sent screenshots of texts or messages to our friends — perhaps even a group chat (bold). But publicly sharing DMs is actually pretty fucked up: yes, even if they’re from celebs. The eternal debate about the ethics of sharing DMs reared its familiar head when film critic and TikToker Lena Wilson engaged in some truly bizarre beef with actor Amandla Stenberg

Noah Schnapp Doja Cat Stranger Things Bodies, Bodies, Bodies  The New York Times Hey, Amandla! Generally a big fan of your work, but this sure is something. Wishing you well in your career and life,” Wilson wrote.  MovieWeb

saying amandla has “more social power” when ur the one who posted the dm online is crazy omg. like just admit she gagged u a bit and move on! https://t.co/U4fVdPW26l

— tia witcher extraordinaire (@cursedhive) August 19, 2022

Imagine saying out loud that someone has more “social power” than you??? I’d rather die

— Sarah Hagi (@KindaHagi) August 20, 2022

she's a white woman who wrote a review for the new York Times. vs Amandla DMing her a joke. does Lena Wilson know what "social power" even means? https://t.co/f0Z5qFuKH7

— Wagatwe Wanjuki (@wagatwe) August 19, 2022

The post Just Gonna Say It: Unless Someone’s Being A Massive Creep, You Shouldn’t Leak Their DMs appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .

. The whole situation is also kind of reminiscent of the beef between and  earlier this year. ICYMI, Schnapp posted DMs from Doja asking if his co-star was single in a jokey TikTok. Doja then publicly called him out for sharing the DMs in an Instagram Live. The Lena Wilson and Amandla Stenberg situation is slightly more complicated: the TL;DR is that Wilson wrote a review of Stenberg’s new film for  where she described it as a “95 minute advertisement for cleavage”. In response, Stenberg DM’d Wilson on Instagram saying: “Maybe if you had gotten ur eyes off my tits you could’ve watched the movie!” Both Wilson and Stenberg are gay. As a fellow gay, I can understand being upset by Stenberg’s initial message: its tone is unclear and being accused of objectifying someone is pretty heavy, especially given the context of the “predatory lesbian” stereotype. However, Wilson’s response to the original DM set off a spiralling chain reaction of discourse, covering everything from white privilege in media to racism in the queer community to, yes, DM leaking. Much to unpack. These important conversations stem from two things: Wilson’s belief that she was victimised by Stenberg’s DM and her decision to share it. Back when the Noah Schnapp and Doja Cat situation first kicked off, she referred to Schnapp’s behaviour as “snake shit”. Doja seemed genuinely upset that he’d shared private messages between the two of them. And in fairness to Doja, even if it was a momentary lapse in judgement by a teenager, sharing the DMs was a betrayal of trust. Schnapp deleted his TikTok video and later apologised. But it’s evidence of the problems that come with sharing a private message without consent: it’s just incredibly fucking messy. For her part, Wilson has now deleted her social media accounts but prior to the sitch she had a large TikTok following. She shared Stenberg’s message on TikTok and Twitter, which included her response. “ She then blocked Stenberg on Instagram. This is, I think, where the issue of sharing the DM is even more pronounced. Stenberg was never given a chance to explain herself or respond before Wilson a) blocked her and b) posted a private DM for the world to see. After Wilson shared her DM, Stenberg explained that she had meant it as a joke between two queer people. “I thought it was hilarious. I’m proud that a piece of work I was a part of was described as such in a such a renowned publication,” they said, per . “I thought it was hilarious. I thought because Lena is gay and I am also gay, I thought that as gay people would both find this comment funny”. Whether you agree with the DM or not, Wilson’s response wasn’t proportional to Stenberg’s message. Wilson feeling discomfort is fine. But her weaponisation of that discomfort into a disproportionate attack on a Black gay person is far, far more uncomfortable and problematic. In her TikTok video, she said “I’m posting this because I don’t want this person who has more social power than me to think that it’s fucking okay to do something like this”. But as many, many people pointed out: what is the social power inherent to a private DM? Perhaps if Stenberg had been threatening or accused Wilson of something serious, like defamation, this would be a slightly more sensible statement. But Wilson herself is a prominent film critic with a massive social media following. By sharing Stenberg’s DM without reaching out for explanation or clarification, she used her own social power. And as a prominent white woman, she also has a significant social power that Stenberg lacks. Unless someone is actively threatening or harassing you, both the Doja Cat/Noah Schnapp and the Lena Wilson/Amandla Stenberg situations are evidence of why DMs should stay private. We all know the gut punch of realising a private message has been screenshot and shared — whether it’s meant as a harmless joke or to try and “expose” someone. Wilson’s been subject to significant backlash since sharing Stenberg’s message, and this whole messy situation could have been avoided if she’d privately responded to Stenberg and asked her to clarify her meaning. If we’ve learned anything from this, it’s that sharing messages is in general a bad idea, particularly if it’s your first response to conflict. Let us say it again: keep it to the DMs, lads.