BELL-ISSIMO!
“Oi, you there – Football … Daily, isn’t it?” The water cooler is cast into darkness by the unmistakable, seven-foot shadow of The Man. “Y-y-yes, sir,” your favourite tea-timely email splutters. “That’s us … Football Daily … glad you’ve noticed our recent rebranding effort, although you can still call us The Fiv …” “See the goal last night?” The Man roars, crushing his way through several tiny cardboard cups. “What a finish!” “Very nice indeed sir,” we reply, fumbling with the buttons and getting a cup of lukewarm water. “And what about that buildup play?” bellows The Man, clapping a giant hand on our shoulder. “Buildup play sir? But it was from a corner …”
Listen, how were we to know that The Man wasn’t referring to Tuesday’s most significant strikes – Alessandro Golinucci’s volley for San Marino against Denmark, the team’s first goal since March 2022? Perhaps we should have realised The Man is more of a free-to-air football connoisseur, who enjoys nothing more than braying a few obscenities at the England men’s team over a bottle of red. But anyway, that goal. It was the latest in an ever-increasing highlight reel for the brilliant Jude Bellingham, a player The Man rates as “bloody good”, and believes could be even better if he played for a proper team in the Premier League, like Spurs.
After going a goal down early on, things were getting fractious around Wembley before the night’s first Bellingham burst™ (Nick Ames, Big Paper) earned a penalty that Harry Kane tucked away. For England’s second, Bellingham led a lightning counter, picking up Rashford before making a dummy run across goal. The Manchester United forward, scorer of a solitary goal this season, then used Bellingham by not using him and swept the ball into the far corner. We also loved Phil Foden’s shimmy and pass to kickstart the move, which we might try and discuss with The Man over lunch. On second thoughts, maybe the moment’s passed. We’ll catch up with him next summer, when he demands an explanation as to how exactly England only drew 1-1 with something called “The Netherlands”.
Kane added a third to secure England’s eighth straight appearance at a major men’s tournament, and leave Italy in real danger of goin’ Rome instead of making it to Germany next summer. The England captain might feel a touch of the Stan Mortensens looking at today’s papers, but the hype is understandable. Bellingham has become the superstar this team needed, able to change the game in a heartbeat – and for the first time since Wayne Rooney in 2004, the tournament’s most exciting talent will be an England player. All in all, there is precious little for fans to be upset about – but that didn’t stop Jordan Henderson getting another round of jeers. We’d like to think it’s because of his Saudi move, rather than for Not Being James Maddison, but … oh hang on, The Man has put “Vindaloo” on and is starting a mandatory conga. The Euro 2024 party starts here!
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QUOTES OF THE DAY
“We do so much every day to be the best version of yourself and keep fit for so many games. This behaviour from San Marino last night, trying to injure me was unacceptable!” – Rasmus Højlund takes to Social Media Disgrace Instachat to accuse San Marino players of targeting him during Denmark’s 2-1 Euros qualifying win.
“Today I read that Mr £80 Million is complaining because yesterday he received less than great treatment from the defenders of San Marino. Well dear, in football today where physical contact has disappeared, you can allow yourself to make fun of us little opponents [and] simulate at every opportunity hoping for a penalty. I would have liked to see you 15 years ago when only real men played football!” – San Marino defender Roberto Di Maio, 41, hits back at Højlund (who, to be fair, was only five years old in 2008).
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly Extra time! The pod squad assemble to talk England’s win over Italy and all the other Euro 2024 qualifying action. Listen here.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
I just had to comment after reading Douglas Hardie’s wonderfully evocative missive re Mitre Mouldmasters (Tuesday’s Football Daily letters). As a retired primary schoolteacher who was initially roped in to do the under-11s football for the school in my first teaching post in the 1970s it absolutely captures the feel of the times! I’d usually had a fair skinful of Tin the night before, the pitch was often freezing and it was a Saturday morning. We might be away at some godforsaken school on the outskirts of Norwich with a handful of parents. The kids were sometimes less than keen and then the match ball appeared and this could be crucial. I swear some schools doctored their prize possession to add to the advantage they already had with a mishapen, sloping pitch and a quagmire for a penalty area. The ball was a Mitre but not as we know it! Many thanks for the memories Douglas!” – Colin Roy.
I’ll see your Mitre (and its different entities) and raise you with the Wembley Trophy 5. This faux ‘casey’ was responsible for just as many (if not more) flayed patches of inner thigh skin on many a football playing youngster” – Kevin Worley.
If I were a Manchester United fan (yesterday’s Football Daily), I’d welcome a consortium of Sauron, Lord Voldemort and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse if it replaced the Glazers” – Dale Jenkins.
Perhaps this highlights how far Gareth Southgate has taken England or perhaps it just illustrates that qualifying for European Championships is easier now (unless you have Stephen Kenny in charge) because they have been expanded from four teams at Euro ‘76 to 24 in Euro 2024. However, I was watching the recent, and in no way completely hagiographic, documentary on David Beckham with my partner, who is from Spain, and after England’s draw with Italy in 1997 she turned to me and said: ‘Why are all the England players celebrating? They haven’t won anything, they’ve only just qualified for a tournament’. Ah, them was the days” – Noble Francis.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Kevin Worley.
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